


Surrender

by chellygelly



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-08-31 16:44:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8586079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellygelly/pseuds/chellygelly
Summary: It is true that the lady of the RFA appeared in their lives in the most unconventional way, but she was the one who healed everybody's pain... especially Zen's. Albeit having peaceful lives after the party, Zen faces himself in a bind with his feelings for this lady who is somehow emotionally marred by her past. This is a battle of hearts and rationality between man and woman.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: testing…. 1, 2…. Testing. 
> 
> Hiya! ^^ let’s just say this is a test run for my incoming fic for a Zen x MC story. :) To make the reading smoother, the name of MC is Cara. This is not an angst story. (technically because I love Zen so much to hurt him.. XD)
> 
> I do not own Mystic Messenger and its characters, I only own the MC and the others who belong in this story but do not appear in the original game. :) 
> 
> Let me know what you think and send me an ask! :) 
> 
> Oh! I am also open for Mystic Messenger headcanons, so go ahead and ask :D 
> 
> With love,
> 
> chellygelly ^^ :3 
> 
> P.S. please have mercy on my soul. I’ve been rusty at my writing. :)

**PROLOGUE**

_Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out._

It was always her mantra when she could feel herself slipping into the dark depths of anxiety. Slowly, ever so slowly, she could feel the cold sensation spread from her toes, to her fingertips, until it reaches the corners of her mind, insidiously threatening to slaughter every ray of hope and happiness she felt that time. If it were mundane days, she would’ve tried to stop it. However, tonight, she didn’t try to stop the attack from happening. She felt that she was purely incapable to hinder the immense gush of emotions for she was too tired to be strong for this. She was just too damn tired. 

As she slowly laid her hands at her sides, her right hand clutching the phone, she can feel herself shake. _Ah, the first signs of the attack’s here_. She closed her eyes as she felt tears prick her eyes and she raised her head up, a silent plea in the darkness, hoping for somebody to help her. Somebody to help her ease the pain. She could feel coldness wrap her body, causing her to want to flee onto a corner until the darkness cannot reach her, until she felt safe, until her world stopped shaking, until the storms she was feeling inside her would subside and she can start again. Her shoulders slumped as she felt tears flow down at the side of her face, one after another, signifying the start of her deepest sorrows. 

She didn’t mean to pry. She somehow just managed to hear this tiny voice at the back of her mind and her hunch followed. Something within her told herself to open that one thing on her phone; because it was important for her to see… that it was important for her to just _know._ She prayed so hard to somebody omnipotent to take her away from here or somehow ease what she was feeling because she wasn’t expecting the blow to be this painful; to be this weakening. She could feel her legs shake and give out with the strength she had left to stand up. She gasped a sob as she landed on her knees on the floor, her hands still clutching her phone tightly as she shut her eyes and tried to calm herself down.

Albeit her utmost efforts to be calm.... Calmness wouldn’t come.

In the darkness of her cold room, she cried. She cried for the pity she felt for herself as she realized all the time she wasted over something that would eventually give her this unbearable pain. Realizing she was still holding her phone, she took a look at the screen, hoping that what she saw flashed on it was just a nightmare. She gravely hope that she’ll wake up soon from this. She was desperately hoping for one last rational thought of defending what she saw from her own doubts. She never wanted to be this stupid, but she knew. She knew that this was bound to happen to anybody. She just didn’t think it would happen to her this way. She never knew it would hurt so much. 

As she stared at the evidence right in front of her. Her mind and heart, for once in her life, screamed the same thing. 

_This is enough. He doesn’t love you._

She could feel the numbness start to crawl in her system, somehow alleviating the pain she was feeling, but the wound was still fresh. 

She knew that wounds, no matter how early or late they were inflicted upon somebody, will still hurt when touched regardless of the longevity of its existence.  

As she stared at the evidence of the betrayal of the person she trusted and loved the most, fresh tears flowed through her eyes, and she finally succumbed to the clutches of her anxiety. Curling up into a shaking ball on her cold floor, she sobbed and she sobbed as she cried for the heart she lost, for the identity she have given, for the time she wasted putting efforts on a person who never saw her worth. 

“Somebody, please.” she brokenly whispered to nobody in the dark. 

_Please. Save me from this pain._

She knew nobody will come and that she only had herself to blame for everything that happened to her right now. If she just fought for her right to be given what she was due. If only she noticed and paid attention to the red flags, it wouldn’t hurt this much. 

It wouldn’t reduce her to this doddering fool who cried over her lover who cheated. 

She has invested too much for a person she thought knew her and loved her for her. She lost herself in the process of making everything work, taking care of the other’s woes, forgetting her own until she got emptied up by the entire longevity of the relationship. She cannot fathom where she went wrong, but the only coherent thing that floats up on her mind is that never again will she allow herself to feel this pitiful.

**_Never again._ **

She could feel herself numb up as she cried and cried, her sobs getting louder and broken. If there are people who can innocently claim to love you and instantly let you go and hurt you this fast, then she never will she hope for people who can love her the way she can love them. She has endured too much to be able to give love after this. 

It will take heaven and hell to convince her otherwise. 

If there was somebody out there who can make her feel that all her assumptions by the outcome of her relationship can be rendered and love can be something hopeful… If somebody can show her that she can receive the same amount of love that she is able to give an individual or maybe more, it will take them a lifetime to make her agree. 

She may be innocent in a lot of things, but she was never a sheltered child. She knew enough that love should never hurt this way. Love should never make a person feel less and love should never rob a person off of their identities. This wasn’t love. 

This was a painful lesson that she will be resilient upon… someday, but not at this moment. It’d take time, but for now she will weep because it hurts. she will weep because she is entitled to feel the pain. 

Inside the four walls of her darkened room, she cried. Holding herself as she let the anxiety, the pain, the sadness overwhelm her. She allowed herself to feel everything all at once. It was more than she could bear but this would only happen now. 

Because until somebody can prove to her that with the pain she was feeling now comes with an exact opposite, she will choose to protect herself. 

Until a person proves to her that somebody can love her the way she thinks she deserves to be loved…

She will never love again. 

 

* * *

 

 

_In the same night two people where destined to meet, one is in pain, and the other is in bliss. A woman who was broken, and man who found himself at last. The universe has finally got their fates intertwined, little do they know their meeting would be soon_

_In the most perfect time, the universe will have them see each other. In a circumstance that is different from any other. This is a story of a man who will meet the broken woman. Where hearts and minds will play a part, who gives in or who gives up._

**_This is a story of a man who has the capability to heal the broken woman._ **

 

* * *

 

 

Zen fumbled with his keys as he entered his apartment after such a long night at rehearsal. He was tired and he really needed a drink. His co workers have made a lot of mistakes today at practice that’s why everything in the schedule was delayed. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to talk to somebody. He loved his work, but he was somehow tired. Maybe it was the fatigue getting into his system this evening. 

As he entered his apartment he took off his coat and he went straight to his fridge and grabbed one of his favorite beers. As he took a sip he laid down with a thud on his couch, his head resting on the couch as he stared as his ceiling. He wasn’t a rich person, but he have lived the way he thought he should. He built up a name for himself, he built a living wherein he was truly happy, but somehow he felt like something was missing. He was happy with his daily routine. waking up in the morning to go to work or rehearse, and at evenings he would waste his energy at the gym to improve his looks because it is, in his career, the one of the vital details that will help him stay in the industry for so long. However, something was amiss. He wanted more warmth in his life. His house was a bit dull every time he opens it when he comes home from a hard roll at work. He was hoping somebody would be there to greet him home even if just for a little while. 

Must he get a pet? 

He chuckled to himself as his hand pinched the bridge of his nose. 

What was he saying? 

He wanted somebody in his life. 

He was not much of a rich person, but he can love like hell and that is a good thing, in his opinion. He has been an actor since he could remember, he was okay in his stature in his career and he knew he was missing the one thing a person needed in their lives. 

He wanted to fall in love. 

However, no matter how intense his desire is to love somebody, he wanted to build his career more so that when somebody in his life arrives, he could provide them with something better than what he has. After all, as he looked around his house, it was built for a bachelor of his class. He must work hard in order to be more suitable for anybody out there.

He chuckled again and he went to his bedroom as he wiped away his thoughts of having somebody to love or even falling in love as he prepared himself for his work out before he ends his day. 

However, there was only one question that lingered on his mind as he made the arrangements for his workout session for this evening...

Was there even a person in the universe whom he can love and who can love him in return? 

 

* * *

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

  
“Cara, are you listening?” Wednesday asked as Cara jumped and looked at her. “I’m sorry, what?” she said. Her friend looked at her disbelievingly and shook her head. “You didn’t listen to what I said. Well, nevermind!” Wednesday tapped her hand and looked at her slyly. Cara knew where this was going. She knew her only friend will ask her how the hell she got in the RFA and got to have a new family with hot men and one hot woman. It has been three months since the first party of the RFA happened and now she is juggling her full time job and her part time job as Zen’s manager and party organizer. She was a workaholic, so she could handle everything all at once. 

“Sooooo…” Wednesday started. Cara sighed but a small smile was pasted on her lips as she recalled everything that happened during her first moments in the RFA. She remembered the time she almost got kidnapped by Seven’s, or he now wants to be called as Saeyoung, twin brother; she also recalled the time she had to hide in Zen’s apartment since he was the one who saved her during the time when they knew they had a bomb in Rika’s apartment. She wasn’t living there anymore since the place have been sold to somebody else and now she was back to her old apartment, quite near Seven and Zen’s place.

Looking back on everything that happened during her first days as an RFA member, she could say it was quite chaotic but she would never regret the day she was gullible enough to help a stranger and she got stuck in that place. She wouldn’t have met the members whom she holds too dear now if she wasn’t able to follow that Unknown’s, now called Saeran, orders. As weird as it may seem, she was happy she was at the RFA. She finally had a family after a year of being alone. She was especially close to Saeyoung and Yoosung since they were the ones closest to her age. Jumin and Jaehee treated her like they were her little sister and she sometimes found it weird, but she was okay with it since her biological brother and sister were overseas and have their own families so she was somehow forgotten. She thought about her relationship with Zen… he was a narcissistic fool, in her first opinion of him, but when she got the chance to chat with him and bond with him during the times when he was injured and when she was under his protection, she took him as the most loyal and the most gentle man she have ever met all her life. She felt weird things when Zen was there or when he calls. She could feel herself chuckle and smile as she thought about his consistency of calling and texting her, checking up on her if she was okay. They were close, but not in the way she was close with the other members. Although she might not admit it to everybody but her own mind, she found Zen as somebody who is special to her life. She found somebody who understood her and who would keep her company whenever she felt that the world was against her. Plus, Zen is the only person who can calm her down when her anxiety threatened to take over her entire system. 

Zen…. was special. She didn’t want to think of this as something more. She wouldn't dare. She doesn't want to.

She needed to keep her promise. She needed to keep herself safe. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she felt a slap on her shoulder and she immediately looked at her friend who looked so pissed off. "What?" She asked as Wednesday looked at her as if she was accusing her of something. "You have been brooding about things again, Cara. You know this isn't good for you." She warned. Cara knew Wednesday was aware of her struggles with her anxiety. She sighed and leaned her head on Wednesday's shoulder. "You don't have to face everything alone, anymore. You know this. Don't close yourself to... opporrunities. The RFA, though I have never met them personally, care a whole lot about you and I know this because Saeyoung and Yoosung visits you whenever they're able, Jumin and Jaehee brings you stuff when you need them, and Zen... well Zen's kinda your soulmate." She stated. Cara scoffed at that and shook her head.

"Zen is... Zen." This was all she could say. Wednesday rolled her eyes and shook Cara's head away from her shoulders. "I will not force you to realize things that you aren't ready to admit to, but Cara, please treasure yourself a little bit more. You're scaring me whenever you go full time on your work mode. Handling these 3 jobs are not easy. But please." Her friend pleaded. Cara looked at her friend of 8 years and thought about how long they have been friends. A year ago, it was Wednesday who took revenge for the pain she has suffered over her past. She was the one who stood by her when the RFA wasn't there. She hugged Wednesday and said, "Thank you, Wed. For everything."

"Oh poo. Stop being so melodramatic and just let me marry Jumin." Wed said as she held Cara back.

"Oh. I have to go back to the office, my break's done." Cara stared at her watch and saw that it was about time she returned to her work. Wednesday let her go and kissed her cheek as she waved good bye to get back to her work as well. Cara stared at her friend's retreating form as she herself started to go back to her office. She sighed. Things weren't working well for her this day. Her client's have been pushy and bratty and she could feel the stress trigger hee anxiety.

"I need to drink my meds." She mumbled. "No you don't." a familiar deep voice answered and she immediately looked up and her heart suddenly stopped. It was a chilly afternoon since it was already autumn but she forgot the chill as her hair swiped at her face as the wind blew as she looked at those wonderful red orbs and her stomach started to do tumbles. She came face to fave with the handsome one. He was smiling at her as if he wanted to commit trouble. Her breathe hitched in her throat and she found herself feeling shy, awkward, happy, and tingly...

" _Zen_." She breathed.

What the hell is this feeling? She thought. She had no idea, she had no clue. All she knew was only this...

_She was so happy he was here._

* * *

 

As Zen stared at her, the wind blowing her hair all over her face but she was rooted on where she stood, he never thought he could see somebody who looked so beautiful. His heart ached for the pain of wanting to reach out to her and hold her, but he knew she wasn’t up to those kinds of intimacies. He knew he was being greedy and unfair, but he respected her enough to actually stay away from her if he wanted things to go  far.

It has been three months since the party for the RFA has been a success. She was now the new organizer of RFA and she seemed to be happy being one. Not to mention, she took the role of being his manager even if she was working full time and part time as the organizer of RFA’s parties. She was an intense workaholic, and he was amazed at how she outshone his sense of responsibility. He was feeling nervous for no apparent reason and he hated the way he was feeling. He wasn’t used to feeling this awkward in front of everybody. He was an actor and a very social person, he never knew that one slip of a girl would rob him all of his charms and thoughts. She was that powerful.

He was drawn to her, he knew this. But he never realized the intensity of this. He only had the epiphany himself when he saw her wake up from nightmares of her traumatic experience in Rika’s apartment. He was infuriated with what happened but as he noticed she has forgiven the people in charge for her trauma, he decided to let it go since she, somehow in her conscious mind, got over it.

They stood face to face in the autumn sun, looking at each other, never taking their eyes off each other,

 _Say something, goddammmit._ he told himself. But he wasn’t able to.

The slight blush on her face and the redness of her nose told him she was cold. She was a tiny woman, with long brown curls and wonderful bright eyes. She was perfect in her own way, even if she hated how small she is. She vibrated of strenght and independence and he loved it about her. For the longevity of their acquiantance, they were closer in such a way that even both of them were not able to describe.

Without thinking, he slowly walked towards her. She didn’t move. She just took calculated breathes as he got closer. His hand reached out to her face and he tucked her hair into her ears. He smiled as she sighed at the gesture.

Does she feel warm and calm when he’s here? He wondered. Because this was what he was feeling when he saw her or even heard her voice. She felt safe.

She made him feel like he was home.

He hoped she felt the same.

He desperately hoped. Looking at her smile up at him as she asked, “What are you doing here, Zenny?”

As soon as she voiced out the nickname she used solely for him, he stopped breathing. And his eyes widened, his hands still holding her face.

He knew he went out of his way because he wanted to see her badly. He knew she was having a rough day when she replied to his inquiry in his text. Her voice even sounded desolate when she called him to remind him of a schedule in the theater. He wanted to see her, to see if she was okay. He thought that this was his only reason. However, as he stared at her smiling face, he doubted his own intentions.

_What is this?_

_“_ Ah... U-uhm..” he stuttered. 

She laughed. “What?” She asked.

It was then and there that he knew he was doomed. Her laughter sounded like musical notes to his ears and it made him want to weep. She was so beautiful, so perfect, and so... fragile. Right then and there, as she smiled at him and waited for him to answer her inquiry, he finally knew.

He wanted her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It first starts with the feeling, then the realization, and then the epiphany...

 

* * *

 

Zen blinked repeatedly as his eye widened as if he looked like he realized something he was supposed to have realized a long time ago. His hand never removed from her face, Cara felt heat rush up into her system like wildfire. She couldn’t understand what’s happening and it was frightening her that’s why she suddenly frantically looked for ways to break the tension and the heat that keeps on rising in her body as if she wanted to lean in to his touch... As if she too, wanted to touch him.

She couldn’t look away at his eyes as if the changes of his reactions were something so precious she wanted to see all of it. She could feel herself feel warm amidst the cool wind that has been surrounding the two of them. Her hands were itching to hold him but she didn’t want this urge; she didn’t want this feeling. 

_What the hell is wrong with her?_

_“_ Cara.” Zen started. Her eyes widened as she saw his face go nearer to hers. _Stay back. Stay the hell back._ she thought, but she couldn’t move. She cannot even look away. She took one step closer as if she was anticipating his approaches; as if this was something that she wanted all this time. 

It felt so real. It felt so right. It felt so... **_natural._**

It is as if being here with Zen was the most perfect thing in the world. It frightened her so much that she could feel the panic start to rise up in her chest, causing her mind to hear warning bells. 

 _This was the thing you promised yourself never to feel again, Cara. This is it. You must run. You need to protect yourself._ Her mind kept on screaming. She wanted to run away but her heart made the loudest protest by not making her move to where she stood as Zen came nearer to her, closing in the space between them. 

When Cara felt him within an inch to her body, she thought she was going to go mad. He smelled of wonderful musk that she only recognizes on him. His height towering hers making her feel safe and a bit vulnerable. He was so close that she could feel him breathe, as if she could also feel his hear beat. She closed her eyes shut as tightly as she could, hoping that he would stop coming near her, that he would not come any more closer. 

“RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!” 

She jumped at the sound and realized it was Zen’s phone. She released the air that she was holding the entire time Zen was near and she thanked the gods for this interruption because she wasn’t sure what would happen if his phone didn’t ring. She held her right hand to her chest to calm down her beating heart. _Stay calm. Please. Stop this._ She kept on saying in her head as she brushed her locks into place. Zen has his back turned on her as he was talking to the director on the other line. She stared at his broad back and she could feel the uncanny pull she has on him. 

That’s when she knew...

Her hands covered her mouth as her eyes widened and her breath quickened. She slowly shook her head as she closed her eyes as she felt her anxiety creep into her. 

“No.” She silently prayed. “I can’t.” As she shook her head as if she wanted to erase Zen’s mere presence in her sight. 

 _I can’t. Don’t do this to me. No, not Zen._ Her mind pleaded, but she knew all the while it was futile. She knew. Yet she held back. Images of what happened to her last year rushed into her mind, playing every little detail of that night and the days after and she felt herself feel numb and cold. 

_She won’t let this happen again._

* * *

 

“Yes, I got it. I’ll bring her over for the rehearsals.” Zen replied as the director asked for him to bring his manager along since they wanted to meet her. 

“make sure you introduce her to everybody, alright?” The director added. Zen sighed. “Yes, yes I will.” he added and he ended the call. He closed his eyes as he calmed himself down. That was close. He didn’t know what he was thinking when he went to close in the space between the two of them. As if touching her wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He knew this, but when he saw her shut her eyes as if she was trying to persuade him not to look at her and to stay away, he was so thankful for that phone call that he forgot his intentions. 

He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to hold her. 

He was the worst. He didn’t even voice out his intentions yet his body went in first into taking action. He cannot let this happen again. If he wanted this to work, he needs to tread slowly since Cara is not the ordinary type of person. He could tell she wasn’t ready for something as quick as this. He knew it wouldn’t be right. Yet she looked so wonderful that he couldn’t help himself. He needed to protect her from himself. He needs to know and to nurture everything then he will confess at the right time. 

And he knew that right now, it wasn’t what Cara wanted. Yes, they have built something more profound than teh simple friendship she had with Saeyoung and Yoosung, but he had no right to take advantage of her. 

Besides, he felt as if she was hiding something from him still. They would spend nights talking on the phone, or sometimes, when they both weren’t busy, they would meet and hangout and just talk. However, he realized that she never opened about matters of the heart on one of their storytelling sessions. She was always distant and her eyes had this lonely look whenever she refused to answer any inquiries about her love life. This isn’t the time to think about this. _You came here to just check on her, not harass her, you idiot._ He scolded himself. He took a deep breath and turned to where she stood. She was looking at you as if she was so afraid for her life that you suddenly felt concerned. 

“You okay, Cara?” Zen asked. She suddenly jumped up and shook her head as  if she too, was erasing some thoughts in her mind. 

“Yes. Yes, I’m okay.” She smiled. But he noticed her smile... it was forced. Suddenly, as if some thought crashed into her head, she looked at you suspiciously and she placed her hands on her hips. 

“Why are you here? Don’t you have rehearsals this afternoon?” She asked. 

Oops. 

Zen scratched the back of his head as he grasped for an excuse to tell her why he escaped practice to come to her. “Well... I just...” then the though of the director wanting to meet her came into his mind and he quickly formulated the excuse. 

“I was tasked to... uh.. bring you with me to rehearsals.” 

Her eyes widened with shock and she sighed. “Why am I needed there?” 

“Did you cause some kind of trouble again, Zenny?” She asked as if he was a little child. God, her angry mom face if more beautiful than her serious one. But she can be quite scary, to be honest. 

“N-no! The director just wanted to meet you. To thank you for your hardwork, and to finally lay their eyes upon you since you have been an enigmatic creature to them since you took part in my job as my manager.” Zen explained as thoroughly as he could but he could feel himself blush for feeling like a nine year old being scolded by his crush. He felt quite... ridiculous and tongue tied.

She looked taken aback from your reason that she closed her eyes and she chuckled and shook her head. God she’s so beautiful.  

“Part time.” She stated. He smiled back and nodded as he acknowledge that she was your somehow part time manager. “Yes. Part time.” 

She looked at her watch and she blew her hands together as she got colder. Zen knew he didn’t have to keep her outside. He wanted to escort her back in her office but she’d be in trouble if he did so. 

“I still have work to finish. But it isn’t too much. What time should I be there?” Her working mode was triggered and now she looked at him expectingly. She was searching his eyes for a quick answer so that she could leave, he knew but he wanted to keep her here for longer but he couldn’t. 

 _You’ll see her later, she’ll agree._ Zen told himself. 

“Uhhh maybe 5pm onwards?” He said. She smiled and nodded excitedly. 

“Alright.” She smiled. She was supposed to say something else but you were happy she agreed to see him rehearse that you hugged her. She let out a cute squeak as you held her tight and squeezed her. He felt her hands settle on his shoulders, not pushing him away, not pulling him closer either. It didn’t matter. This was enough. 

“Thank you, thank you.” you breathed as you kissed her temple where her beanie and her messy curls joined together. She froze. Zen let her go. 

He suddenly felt another phone call vibrate in his pants so he knew he had to go. He held her shoulders and looked at her eyes. 

“Promise me you’ll be there at 5.” He ordered. She nodded. “say it.” He pushed. 

“Alriiiiight! I’ll be there.” She laughed 

“5 sharp?” 

“5 sharp.” 

Zen smiled triumphantly and he threw back his head as he felt bliss for the mere knowledge that she’ll watch him act. With this he was so happy. This is weird but he loved the feeling. 

His phone kept on vibrating. 

It was time to leave. 

He groaned. “Damn.” he swore. HE felt a light swat on his shoulder as Cara slapped him and said, “Your words!” she playfully scolded. 

“I have to go. They’re caling for me already.” You started. She nodded and smiled. “I’ll watch you come 5pm. I promise. Now hurry! Don’t let them wait for you too long!” she pushed.

Zen laughed and nodded. “alright I’ll wait for you, okay?” 

You kissed her forehead as yous printed towards your motorcycle. 

You stared back at her and said, “I’ll see you, okay?” you screamed as the roar of your motorcycle overpowered your voice. She skidded a bit to catch what you were saying.

“You be careful, okay!” She yelled back as she waved her hands up in the air as she said goodbye. 

You saluted her as you placed your helmet on your head and you kicked the clutch of your motor and started to drive away to where she stood. 

You raised your hand as a wave as your drove off and you can hear her yell at you to put your hands back at the motor. You chuckled. 

_Silly girl._

* * *

 

As Cara watched Zen drive off, her hand suddenly fell on her forehead, where the warmth of Zen’s kiss was still there. She found herself smile absentmindedly as she remembered the feeling when he held her when she agreed of watching him rehearse this afternoon. 

She chuckled and shook her head. 

_Silly man._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zen doesn't want to be ahead of himself and wanted to take his time. However, would Cara ever be ready for what Zen wants?

**_Author’s note: Hiya!!! Quite boring for the past 3 chapters, huh? Don’t worry... the reason why it’s mature and the twists will play on from this chapter onwards XD_ **

**_Thank you for sticking with my writing though! ^^_ **

**_with Love,_ **

**_Chelly the hellion/chellygelly/grumpypiggy :3_ **

* * *

 

“Please call my team if you have any concerns and reminders. I sent the email for the reminder to my teammate. Yes. Kindly address your concerns to her in my stead. Yes. Thank you, you too. Good bye.” Cara ended the call with a sigh and she placed her elbows on her desk and she placed her face on her palms as she tried to rub off the stress. Her impromptu decision to take a leave from work for a month was quite a good deal, given that she can feel the burn out sink in her system. Besides, she was planning on doing freelance writing work instead of doing client servicing wherein she gets too tired and too negligent of herself to a point where she got hospitalized for her fatigue. She shook her head as she leaned in her chair and she looked up in the ceiling of her office. 

She needed to rest, she knew this. She needed to focus more on being Zen’s secretary and being the RFA’s party organizer. She was a lot more happier in working for those two than her full time job. She hated getting drained too much even if she gets paid for her hard work, it was not enough. 

In truth, as much as she wanted to drown herself with work, she knew she needed to take a break. Her idea of a break from it however is her taking a leave for her full time work. She had some gigs from writing and she is fine with that. At least there’s income. She just needed to stray away from an environment that is so toxic. She needed to get away. 

This was a good decision. She smiled. 

An alarm from her phone sounded off and interrupted her musings and reminded her that she should leave in 10 minutes if she wanted to catch up to Zen’s rehearsal. 

“Shoot. I have to go.” She hurriedly fixed her things, making sure she left nothing behind and she said goodbye to her colleagues and she ran out of the building. 

She skidded to a halt by the taxi bay as she waited for a cab to stop and let her in. After two minutes, she successfully hailed a cab and she told him the address of Zen’s rehearsal place and she waited. As she stared at the blurry images of the busy streets outside as the cab rushed to where she wanted to be, she felt quite nervous on how she should react. Suddenly, she became insecure of her looks as she patted her hair and checked her clothes if she looked fine. 

_You’re not somebody special, Cara. Stop thinking about this._ She scolded herself. Why was she getting worked up on the idea that she was going to meet the people who work with Zen? She’s not gonna be introduced there as his girlfriend anyway, so she doesn’t see the need to fix herself. 

She sighed. She knew she was being ridiculous. She was not even sure if she was really feeling things for Zen. She was not even sure if Zen saw her in that light. Her gaze moved to the scenery outside and she somehow felt comforted. Autumn was her favorite time of the year. She loved the shades of orange and yellow that are blotched on trees, and the cold was just perfect for her. Everything was so peaceful in autumn. She leaned her head on the cab’s seat as she closed her eyes to rest for a little while because she anticipated work when she arrives at Zen’s rehearsal. 

She thought about Zen. She could feel her stomach warm up as she thought of the different things that happened between the two of them. There was a time when they were together and Saeyoung, Saeran and Yoosung joined them to simply hangout. She remembered how Zen was teased and played with by the trio and she just stood there laughing at how adorable they all looked. Zen was somehow like a big brother to the trio especially for Saeran. Saeran needed to be nurtured and to be shown lots of love given the suffering he went through. She was quite reluctant to get close to him before since she somehow got traumatized with the entire encounter they had with Rika and Mint Eye. However, seeing him so broken and lost, her heart went out to the boy. She too, felt that kind of lonesomeness that she couldn’t get away from. So she wanted to somehow assuage how he felt by befriending him and being there for him and his brother. It is a good thing that Yoosung was quite close to Saeran; that way she didn’t have to guard the young man too much. She smiled at the times they went to visit Saeyoung and Saeran at their place and they had cooking sessions before they just simply watched movies. Zen was always teased but everything was so fun. 

She was thankful for the RFA, however, she was thankful to Zen the most because he was the light that showed her that  she could escape the darkness she has lived in for a year. Somehow, now that she was so close to the RFA and to Zen, she smiled more and she laughed more. She wasn’t as numb as she was before. 

She was glad. However, as she remembered Zen’s forehead kiss, she started to frown. She wasn’t supposed to feel giddy about it. Moreover, she didn’t have to put any meaning to it either. 

“We’re here, miss.” the driver interrupted her thoughts as the cab stopped at Zen’s rehearsal venue. She took out her payment and gave it to the driver and she thanked him for his service before he got out. 

“You look very pretty, miss. I hope your boyfriend will be glad to see you today. have a good night!” the driver yelled as he opened the window on the front passenger’s seat. Cara was so surprised that she just looked at the retreating form of the cab as it drove away from where she stood. 

She felt herself blush and she shook her head before any ridiculous thought came into her head. She was not his girlfriend. She was only a.. friend. Somebody he was close to. Nothing more, nothing less. 

But why did the thought of becoming his girlfriend appealed to her this much? 

“Gaaaaaah. Stop thinking, Cara. NO. It’s such a big no.” She muttered as she entered the vicinity and she was greeted with intense heat. 

She walked along the hallway as she heard the faint echoes of voices, music, laughter, and singing resonated in her ears. She could feel her lips form a simple smile as she takes in the melodies the crew were singing. She felt homey and happy every time she hears music. 

She may not admit it, but Cara is very adept to guitars and pianos. She also sings and dances, however she only does this whenever she is required to do so. Growing up with the family who were literature and music lovers, she embraced her interest in music, arts, and dance ever since she was young. Her mother was a prima ballerina and his father was a scholar and a musician at the same time. Her sister and brothers were born artists when her sister followed her mother’s footsteps and his brother was famous for a band overseas. She, however, wanted to be different. She is great at painting, dancing, singing, playing instruments, however she chose the corporate world and nurtured her talents as a hobby. She needed money to build herself up because she knew she cannot rely on anybody but herself. 

The piano tune turned into a melancholic tune as she stood in front of the door where Zen and his crew were practicing behind the doors. She recognized the tune and she somehow hummed along with the music as she held onto the door knob to open the door. 

Her hand froze while she grasped the door knob. She was enjoying the music when suddenly her mind pulled out a memory and the image she remembered was so clear and painful that she thought she was reliving the incident over again. 

_She could remember his soft smile as he sat beside her in the piano seat as she silently sang him a song and he stayed with her as he listened to the tune. He pressed a random key as she played the tune, ruining the wonderful composition but she didn’t mind; she even found it hilarious. Her hands stopped playing but it never left the piano as she glanced up at him and she smiled. “You have zero sense in music.” She teased. She giggled as he rolled his eyes and smiled. He looked at her so lovingly that she was enraptured by his smoldering stare that she didn’t notice how he was leaning in as he held her chin in place. Her eyes automatically closed as his head tilted to the side and she felt his lips on hers._

As her mind mingled with the memory, she forgot she was holding on the door and that she was too engrossed in remembering that Zen has opened the door from the other side and she went flying onto his arms as she jumped in surprise. 

“Ah!” she gasped and she could feel nothing but warmth from Zen’s embrace. 

He was sweaty, but he still smelled great and his breathing was labored, probably from moving around on stage. She realized that she made a very grave mistake when she opened her eyes as she noticed that Zen’s face was close to hers. 

Actually, it was too close. However, as his eyes bore on hers, she couldn’t look away. Her mouth slightly opened as she gulped. She glanced at his lips and then back at his eyes and she noticed them slowly widen as he flashed her a deliciously wonderful smile. 

“My, my, babe. If you wanted a kiss so bad, you should’ve said so.” he teased. 

“WHAT?!” She said and she pushed Zen away from her. 

“Hyun, you and your crazy fliritng!” She blushed as she swatted his shoulder as he laughed at her and his arm swung over to her shoulders to bring her to where his crew were, ogling at what happened between the two of them. She blushed as he pronounced her entire name to his crew and he pulled her closer to her as he kissed her temples. He slowly let her go and pushed her a little to come nearer the entire cast as his director came towards her. She yelped in surprise as Zen grabbed her coat from her shoulders and pulled off her jacket. She stared at him, her mouth open to scream another retort, but his fingers touched her lips and she stopped. He shook his head and nodded to his crew. 

“Scold me later, Cara. Say hello to my cast and workmates.” He smiled. She slowly nodded as she turned her head away from him as he gently pulled out her scarf from her neck and she could still feel the warmth of his fingers on her lips. 

_Jesus christ._

She somehow hoped, as she stared at the people who were looking at her with welcoming glances, that instead of Zen’s fingers...

_She wished it was his lips instead._

* * *

 

She looked so lost, so innocent, and so... small. 

Beneath all her oversized coat and her oversized scarf, Zen glanced at her back as she bowed to all of his crew and his colleagues. He was actually surprised when he opened the door and she came stumbling into his arms. She was so light, so soft, and so gentle that even when she teasingly swatted his shoulders as he teased her, she still couldn’t cause him bodily harm.

Her long curls landed at the middle of her back and it swayed with every movement that she did. She was wearing a simple long sleeved blouse, a skirt, and black stockings with knee high boots. She had a voluptuous body, as Jumin usually told her when they were talking about body shapes and fat, but voluptuous was an understatement. For Zen, she was sexy. Plump at all the right places, huggable, and soft. 

What the hell was he thinking about?!

He panicked as he thought that she would be here, wearing something as innocent but provoking all at the same time, watching him finish his rehearsals and they would go home together. 

He shouldn’t be thinking like this, but he couldn’t help it. He held her coat and scarf as she glanced back to him and she reached her hands to her clothes. He smiled and insisted that he take care of it as he held her arm and led her to a chair. 

As she sat, he positioned himself and perked his butt up at the back of the chair that faced hers. “Let’s have dinner after this?” he asked. He held his breath as she nodded and smiled. “Your treat.” 

Eh? 

“Fine.” He smiled as he pinched his cheeks and went back on stage. 

As he went back on stage, his colleague met him haflway and whispered, “I get it why you can’t keep your eyes off of her.” 

“What are you talking about?” Zen feigned ignorance. 

“Don’t lie, Zen.” The female lead teased him as she heard the conversation between him and his colleague. “You looked so possessive and the way you lovingly looked at her’s enough for us to guess your feelings towards her.” she winked. 

“You got me.” He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. 

“I hope she feels the same though.” His colleague noted and he noticed that the the female lead looked at Cara then back at him. Her gaze had something in there, as if she caught Cara doing something. 

He closed his eyes and mocked a stressed sigh. 

“I hope so, too.” he said. Then he glanced at Cara seating at the audience seat, looking down at her phone, probably talking to the RFA members informing where she was. He suddenly had this huge pull of longing and somehting elsse as he stared at her take a photo of the stage and smile at something on her phone as she chuckled and shook her head. He wanted her so much. However, as he continued to watch her without her noticing, he realized he wanted her everything. Her past, present, future, body, mind, and soul. 

He wanted her that badly

“I hope to the gods that she does.” he whispered. 


	5. Chapter 5

7:30pm.

It has been two hours and thirty minutes since she arrived at Zen’s rehearsals and she has been watching him do the entire program thrice now. She had to admit, Zen, as an actor, is very unappreciated. She might be biased or she might not be, but he pulls in people in his performances. His character was a sensual villain who was so thirsty and blinded by greed for power. In real life, he was the most gentle giant people have ever seen. However, when he acts his role in this play, Cara could feel goosebumps climb all over her body as he watches him get immersed into his character that she can no longer recognize the Zen she knew. When he acts out his character, Cara do not even know if his current personality ever existed at all. She was excited to see the program polished and performed in front of many audiences. She really believed this was Zen’s key to stardom. She can feel it.

She was carrying cloths of different lengths as she left the crew to have dinner. She was on her way back to the corner where she helped out the custodians finish the costumes made to be worn by the actors and actresses. She enjoyed helping out but the crew were reluctant of letting her help since her stature is greater than that of Zen’s crew. She didn’t seem to mind helping, so she forced them to let her help them. They had no choice but to oblige her since Zen also suggested to let her do what she wants.

A small smile was pasted on her lips as she placed the cloths down the table and she rubbed her hands together. She looked around the place to see if she could do some tidying up of things until her eyes landed on the piano placed at the leftmost part of the stage. She slowly laid her hands at her sides as she tilted her head to the side as she stared at the piano.

_I want to play_. She thought. 

She may have been too busy to play, but she never forgot her passion for music. She frantically looked around to see if there were people who were out of the backstage already. She could still hear the faint laughter of Zen and other actors behind the stage. She sighed in relief and she slowly made her way to the piano. She could feel herself become giddy as she approached the piano. She missed playing so much that when she sat on the piano hair, she could only smile so widely and she lightly caressed the keys. 

Cara felt like she was a little child again. She looked at he music sheets piled on the piano and she picked one song which has a duet on it. She read the arrangements of the notes as her left hand absentmindedly positioned itself on top of the keys . Her hands were shaking as if she longed for this time to come. As she stared at the musical sheets, she was so drawn to the lyrics and she could already imagine the flow of the tunes in her mind. 

Another gush of excitement filled her and she immediately placed the musical sheets on the stand, she looked at the first note, she positioned both of her hands on the keys, and she started to play.

* * *

 

Zen was having dinner with his crew when they all suddenly turned quiet. One of his colleagues tilted his head outside as if he was hearing something. 

"Did I just hear somebody playing the piano?" He noted. Everybody looked shocked as they all stared where his friend was staring at. 

 "Not just playing the piano, but somebody's playing 'Sinister's Duet'!" His female crew said. 

Sinister's Duet is Zen's piece who he'll be singing with his female lead. This was the song of sorrow for when the female lead gives up on his character. It was the most emotional song in the play since this is where the villain realizes that he was blinded by greed and he forgot the existence of the female lead's love for him. 

"Somebody's singing the lyrics!!!" They all hushed as they heard a faint voice of a woman singing the song as she played. 

 "Don't tell me the haunted stories over this theater's... true?!" One gasped. 

Everybody looked flustered. The director shook his head as he slowly approached the side of the stage to take a look at who was playing the song. Everybody followed suit.

Zen scanned the crowd, looking for Cara so that he could hold her or be with her if ever there was a ghost. He chuckled softly when he remembered that she wasn't scared of these kinds of things. In fact, she was a fan of these. However, his heart skipped a beat when he cannot find her amongst the crowd. 

Where was she? 

Suddenly, as he heard the singing of the girl in the piano, he had a suspicion... Was she playing the song? 

 He slowly approached the other side of the stage, opposite to where everybody was gathered so that he can fully see who was playing. As he approached the other side, his heart went to the voice of the girl singing and her exemplary prowess in playing the piano. His feet quickly stopped and his eyes widened and he even forgot to breathe when he saw her before his eyes.  

In front of him, on the other side of the stage, he could see his colleagues were open mouthed and they were surprised as much as he was at what they saw. The director was the only one who was looking at the pianist so lovingly as if he knew that the piece was meant to be sung by the pianist alone. What has caught him off guard was this woman who was playing.

Cara had her back on him, but he knew she was feeling the song. He was so caught off guard that all he could to was stand there and listen to her reach the high notes in the song and she sung them as if it was meant for her. Then and there, Zen realize dhow wonderful this woman is. He could feel himself get excited as he took in that she was singing a duet... **_his_** duet.

 He couldn't help himself, he wanted to sing along. 

She was nearing the beat part of the song. As she pressed the keys and as she sung the first line to his favorite part, he closed his eyes as he answered her song and revealed himself behind the stage.

* * *

 

**_"My heart is torn for it was always left with you...."_ **

 Cara jumped as she heard a man's voice boom as he sung the lines that was supposed to be sung by the male part in the musical sheet. Suddenly she stopped playing as she looked up from the piano and she saw the entire crew looking at her. But the voice of the man wasn't in front of her. It came from behind. She suddenly felt the hairs at the back of her neck stand up as she felt a male presence right behind her. She didn't want to look behind her for she knew she will die of embarrassment. She could feel herself go warm as the crew chanted "More, Cara. Sing, sing, sing..." 

Oh god.

She didn't want this. She started to feel so warm she covered her face as she shook her head. 

"I'm so sorry! I-I just wanted to try the piano. I g-got c-c-arried away-- Ah!" Cara suddenly screamed as she could feel the man seat right behind her and she could feel his warmth on her. 

 Too close. He was too close! 

 She jumped again as she felt his arms slip behind her as he positioned his hands on the keys. She was so flustered that she noticed his hands here just below her breasts. 

 "Z-Zen!" She started but she turned silent as his lips were at her ears and he whispered, "Shhhh. Come play with me. Let's finish my duet." She was so enthralled by the baritone of his voice that she forgot her hands were clenched at her lap and she only noticed their position when she looked down as he reached for her clenched fists and he held her hands. His legs were right beside hers. She was literally in between his legs. Their position was so intimate that she could feel his erratic heart beat at her back. She could hear the crowd cheer as they asked for more. 

"Sing with me, Cara. Sing with me." He whispered as his thumbs drew small circles at the top of her palm. She slowly unclenched her fists as he held them and slowly led her shaking up to his lips and he placed chaste kisses on both and he slowly placed them down on the keys as he positioned them as they prepared to play the duet. He pressed the first keys signalling the start as he waited for her to start playing. She was hard as rock and she could feel things stir in her. She was blushing hard and she could feel something twist in her belly and into somewhere farther down. She looked up at him as he placed a kiss at her temple. A silent plea to sing with him. 

 Goddamn this boy why must he be so fucking convincing?!

He smiled as he slowly urged her on to play.

And she did. 

* * *

 

It was already 9pm when Cara was able to get home. 

She rubbed her hands together as she fumbled inside her bag for her keys. Today was apparently a very tiring day, but she had fun. After she and Zen sang the duet, their director wasted an hour and thirty minutes to actually convince her to be an understudy or even be a part of the musical production for Zen’s show. The proposition was so nice however she didn’t need another job when she was handling three already. 

She slowly opened the door to her apartment and she opened the lights and an empty room greeted her. She looked at her door to see if there were mail from somebody and she saw a couple of pink and blue envelopes piled up on her doorstep. She crouched down as she fully entered her house and she absentmindedly kicked her door shut with her foot as she scanned the letter she received. They were from her brother and sister, sending her different pictures of their families and again, another invite to their place. She also received a letter from her parents, asking her how she was; if she was eating right. She removed her scarf and her coat as she juggled reading the letters and getting herself on the couch. 

As she slumped on the couch, clad with only her work clothes and stockings, she finally opened a strange looking letter. She haven’t received anything like this before. Her hunches were telling her that it’s something dangerous, but she pushed her feelings aside and opened the letter. When she opened the letter, what she saw made her skin crawl so much that she forgot where she was. She could only look at the letter. The message was written by a female, the loops and elegance of the handwriting was indubitably from a female hand. However, the elegance of the handwriting made her all the more scared because she knew that the writing was from somebody she wished to ignore; somebody she wished to forget. 

**_Please, forgive me. For the last time._ **

She cannot, or will not allow the past to scare her this way. It wasn’t a threat. It was a sincere apology, but something that she didn’t need. She knew it wasn’t her fault. She too, was just played by the same emotions she felt a year ago and she couldn’t blame her for feeling something so inevitable. She never had the chance to have a closure of even a proper confrontation. She wasn’t able to; she didn’t want to; she couldn’t. She thought that her silence would speak the loudest retort to the both of them before. She didn’t need additional drama when her mental health were so tattered that she no longer had pride left to show or to even showcase to anybody. She literally had nothing left from her except her virginity. It was all she could save. All the love, all the sacrifices, understanding and change she could bring upon herself were unleashed during the longevity of that particular time. She was stupid. They all were.

She only had herself to blame. 

She closed her eyes and she took deep breaths as if she needed to calm herself down. She slowly crumpled the paper and she threw it somewhere across the room. She looked up at her ceiling, thinking about what was she needed to do. 

“Ah. I’m on vacation leave.” She murmured. She thought about going back to drawing or to playing music, however she was too tired to start to do that tonight. 

She slowly let herself slip away from the couch and she stood to go to the bathroom to wash herself up. The warm water woke her up in her nostalgic reverie and she felt comforted about it. She slowly lowered herself in the tub as she thought about today’s happenings and she suddenly blushed. She could still remember Zen’s embrace as they were playing and singing the duet. She felt so wonderfully sublime during the short time they sung that song. His voice mingled best with hers as they did the blending for the song and everybody was in awe on how wonderful their musical chemistry was. All throughout the time they were singing, Cara was only aware of Zen’s presence around her. Each time his hand moved to the other keys, his knuckles lightly brushed her breasts and it made her feel tingly in places that she shouldn’t feel tingly at. She knew Zen was too much of a gentleman to take advantage of their position during that time, but if he was aware of what happened or if he was even bothered, she didn’t know. Zen was so immersed into the song that he just had his eyes closed as he played the piano and as he sung with her. Their positions gave way for more lewd movements from Zen; however, aside from the light brushes of his knuckles underneath her breasts, he made no other move. It might primarily be because her breasts must be a bit huge that’s why the brushing was unavoidable. 

She stared at her naked breasts as she submerged in the tub. She felt a lot more heated when she kept on thinking about his warmth, his leg so close to hers, he was almost embracing her, they both knew.

But why was she so flustered? 

For all her virgin life, she was never this sexually excited, but when it was Zen who was near, she was so confused and she felt tingly all over that she was scared. 

“GAH!” She dipped her head into the water. She rose up after and she tapped her cheeks over and over again as if she wanted to wake herself up from thinking about Zen. 

“You’ve been thinking about him all week. Stop it.” She warned herself. She sighed as she took herself out of the bath and she wore her pajamas, dried her hair and then she finally dumped herself in her bed. 

She wanted to go in the RFA chat but she was too tired. She thought about how happy and fortunate she was having these people by her side. She smiled while she drifted off to sleep. 

* * *

 

“Somebody! Somebody, please!!! Help me!” the woman’s voice was quite familiar. She was frantically banging her window, her doors, as she asked for help. Zen can feel heat in his surroundings, he could feel something burning. 

“Zen! Help me!” her hands were outstretched, she was so desperate of getting out; why ever was she so desperate to get out, he had no idea. He had this feeling of fear drain him as he searched for the owner of the voice. 

“Help! Somebody...” the voice grew faint. As if the person disappeared. 

Zen shook out of his dream, gasping for air. The room was so cold but in his dream it was so hot. He tried to remember the voice and suddenly he felt his color drain from his face as he realized to whom the voice belonged to.

**_It was Cara’s._ **

He quickle grasped his phone on his bedside table and dialed her number but his calls were directed to voice mail. He knew he was being paranoid, but his dreams weren’t wrong. He knew something will happen. He logged on the chat since she usually chats with Saeyoung and the others this late. However, when he logged on, she wasn’t around. 

_/ Zen entered the chatroom /_

**Saeyoung:** Heya Zen! 

**Zen:** Is Cara here? Was she online this evening? 

**Saeran:** No, actually, she wasn’t. We were wondering why. She didn’t even leave us a good night message. 

**Zen:** Damn. I’ve been trying to call her and she isn’t answering. I’m scared. I dreamed of her screaming for help. I don’t know why but i feel fuzzy.

**Saeyoung:** Oh... I have a bad feeling about this. I sent her a message two hours ago that we’ll visit her since we miss her and she hasn’t replied. 

**Yoosung:** Maybe we should check out if she’s okay? 

**Saeran:** Hyung,  let’s go. I don’t feel right about this. Something’s unsettling. 

**Saeyoung:** Alright, we’ll go now. Grab your coat. Yoosung, we’ll fetch you. Get ready. 

**Zen:** Hurry. I’ll also go to her. 

**Seayoung:** Alright. Be careful. 

_**/**  Zen left the chatroom /_

_/ Yoosung left the chatroom/_

_/ Saeran left the chatroom /_

**Saeyoung:** Jumin! Jaehee! Please send company to Cara’s place. we don’t feel great about this... 

_**/**  Saeyoung left the chatroom/ _

Zen opened his lamp and he quickly put on his jacket and he looked for his motor’s keys. He was so scared he didn’t even care if he was on his way to Cara’s place in his pajamas. 

_Please, please let her be okay._

* * *

 

Everything feels so hot. 

Her mind was telling her something but she was too tired, too weak to wake up. She inahled something acrid and she started to cough. Why does she feel like she was burning up? 

Did she forget to turn down the thermostat again? The heat she was feeling was something different... as if something was--- 

She gasped awake as she sat up on her bed and she saw that her room was so smokey that she couldn’t see anything anymore. 

“No.” was all she could say as she realized what was happening. 

Her apartment was on fire. 


	6. Chapter 6

   

* * *

 

Cara was petrified by the thought that she will die alone in her apartment. Her sight was growing fuzzy as she scanned her room for things that she needed to save.Smoke pervaded the air as if it was searching for something to destroy and to dominate. She didn’t know what to do. 

 She scrambled out of bed, grabbing a huge backpack, and she stuffed in her laptop, underwear, clothes, and she reached underneath her bed as she grasped a medium sized box and she forced it down inside her bag. She looked around, frantically searching for something that she’ll be needing to get because it’s important. She got the important documents from her work and stuffed them in her bag. She pulled out her carpet so that she could cover herself for it when she makes a run out of the apartment. 

She looked for her phone to call Jumin and she saw a small light on her bed and she placed her bag on her back and struggled to pull the carpet. Saeyoung was calling her. 

“Saeyoung?” she calmly said. However, Saeyoung knew she was afraid. 

“Cara! Oh thank god you answered! Where are you?! Are you okay?” he asked. Cara was about to answer when she heard loud noises outside her door. Her neighbors must be freaking out and then she heard the faint sound of the siren of a fire fighters’ trucks coming into their area. 

“Saeyoung, please help me.” She cried. How can be she so unfortunate? She’s alone and this had to happen to her. “M-my apartment complex is on fire and I don’t know what to do. I need to get out but I don’t know if my house is badly burning since I’m inside my room.” she quietly cried. 

Saeyoung got scared when she finally heard Saeran’s calm voice say, “We’re coming to get you. Get yourself out of the apartment. Be careful, if the door is too hot, don’t open the door. Jump out the window. We’re on our way!” and the line got cut. 

She closed her eyes as she wiped her eyes and she started to gather the carpet around her. She slowly approached her door and she touched her door knob, checking if the heat’s bearable or not. 

The door was still bearable to the touch. She can get out. 

She opened the door and what she saw scared the hell out of her. 

She looked for the room in which the fire started, but the flames are all over the place. She walked slowly to her door to get out but when she touched her door knob, it wouldn’t budge. 

What the fuck? 

“Shit!” she cursed. She was locked from inside and she didn’t know how to get out. She looked at the kitchen to find her keys but she knew the kitchen cannot be entered in because the fire was all over. She started to bang her fists in the door, hoping somebody outside could hear her. She screamed for help, forgetting the carpet she grasped as she moved around the area where her door and her windows were. The fire was spreading fast in her living room and she was afraid that falling wood might be her cause of death. The smoke is starting to get detrimental to her as her eyes stung and tears were brought out and she was having the difficulty of breathing already. 

_I will not die like this. I will not die just yet._

One year ago, she would’ve welcomed the invitation of death, but she wouldn’t allow it now. Images of the RFA members flashed before her eyes as she frantically pulled at her door. She finally found a family who loved her for who she was. She was finally starting to live. She will not stop now. Suddenly her mind was just filled with her memories with Zen. She knew she didn’t want to leave Zen behind. She didn’t want him to be sad. She was being confident, but she knew Zen would be sad, even for the first few days, if she died. Besides, she was the best thing of a manager Zen can ever get. What would his schedule be if she died? Something pulled at her, telling her that this isn’t the reason she didn’t want Zen to be left behind, but even in her near death experiences, she was not willing to admit it. 

She continued to bang her fists on her door, she vigorously tapped her windows. “Somebody! Somebody, please!!! Help me!” She kept on yelling. The smoke was getting thicker and she knew she had to go out now or she’ll lose consciousness soon. Her knees were getting weaker and her ability to breathe was getting minimized every second that passed by. Nobody was going to help her. They were busy helping themselves to notice that they left somebody behind. 

“Somebody please.” She whispered as her knees gave out and she slumped on the floor. She was coughing too much now. She could feel herself burn as if she was inside her own hell. She can feel her strength seep off of her and she was starting to see black. 

_Fight it, Cara. Fight it._

She struggled to stand up but she was getting too weak to stand on her own. By now, the fire around her shone like orange light and she felt like the fire surrounded her, waiting for her to be at her weakest point before it killed her. She closed her eyes as she lowered her head to the ground, desperately hoping for proper air to come into her lungs because she can feel her breathing turn painful as she inhaled more smoke. Her vision was getting blurry and unfocused and she knew she didn’t have time left. 

With all her strength, she screamed “Help me!” But still, nobody answered. 

She laid down at the floor, her cheeks touching the cold ground. Funny, this was the only place the temperature dropped. Tears from the smoke mingled with her tears of sorrow as she whispered, “Zen...” 

* * *

 

Saeyoung sped way past the correct speed limit so that he can run faster to where Cara was. It was the first time he heard her cry and asked for help. Her voice was shaking and even if she tried to remain calm, he knew she was scared for her life. The thought of her being alone in the fire made him worry so much that even Saeran held on for dear life as he drove to Cara’s house. 

When they arrived at Cara’s apartment complex, the entire building was on fire and everything was so busy; people were trying to put out the fire, others were running to their loved ones, some were screaming, some were just there to watch the commotion. Saeyoung scanned the crowd for a brunette with the curls similar to Cara’s but he couldn’t find any. He was hoping she got out safe, but when Saeran touched his shoulder as he ran up to where her apartment was, he knew that Cara was still inside her house. Saeyoung followed his brother as they looked for something that could repel the flames from hitting their skin as they came to Cara’s rescue.

_Dear God, please keep her alive. Please let her live._

He chanted in his mind over and over again as he and his twin arrive at her apartment complex. Flames were everywhere, he could see through the window that her kitchen was  where the inferno was and he tried to see if they could see Cara inside, but the smoke greeted their eyes and they knew this’d be difficult. 

“Hyung, we have to go in!” Saeran yelled. He screamed, calling for Cara but there was no response. This was the only time Saeyoung has seen Saeran this frantic and flustered. 

“Cara!” Saeran kept on yelling. 

Saeyoung told his brother to move back as he got ready to kick the door but suddenly, they both heard a faint, but evident cough of a woman. 

“Cara?” Saeyoung yelled. 

“I-I’m h-here....” a faint feminine voice called them from inside. Saeran took the risk and broke the window, smashing it to shreds as he inserted his head to thoroughly look for Cara. He scanned the room from left to right, then he looked down and Saeyoung knew he found her. 

“Cara! Cara! Hold on, we’re kicking the door open for you!” Saeran said. He removed his head from the window and looked at his brother. 

“Hyung, kick the door slowly, she’s a good feet away from the door!” Saeran said. 

Saeyoung raised his right foot and put all his strength as he forcefully landed it on the door’s middle and the door bolted open. Every obstruction from the outside broken by the sheer force of Saeyoung’s kick. Once the door was opened, they hurriedly rushed in and saw Cara’s body, slack and spent on the ground. She tried raising her head up and she raised her arms but it immediately fell back as if she had no strength left. Saeran ran to her and grabbed her shoulders and placed the cloth he was wearing around himself to cover her up. Cara looked at him, her gaze quite unfocused. She was so pale, her lips were chapped and she was somehow covered in soot. 

“Sae-ran... y-you came.” she faintly smiled as she struggled to sit up as Saeran helped her up. Saeyoug placed her other hand on his shoulders as they carried her. 

“Gah, her bags heavy! We need to leave it!” Saeyoung exclaimed as he started to remove the backpack she wore but her hand stilled his attempt.

“Please. Please don’t.” was all she said. She stared at Saeyoung and he knew. One good thing about them being close is that Saeyoung understood her with just one of her stares. He knew there were important things in her bag. He knew she’d be devastated if they were to leave these behind. Saeyoung nodded as he removed the bag and gave it to Saeran. At that exact time, Cara grimaced in pain and she fainted. 

“Saeran, you carry the bag. I’ll carry her piggy back.” Saeyoung ordered as he propped Cara’s body and placed her on his back. “Hurry, hyung. She needs medical attention.” Saeran said as they made it out of the apartment complex and they started to walk towards the crowd to look for somebody who can help. 

As they scanned the crowd, they could see others who were crying for the loss of their homes. Saeyoung felt bad for Cara. She was just starting to live a life after all the mess the RFA have put her in and then this suddenly happened to her. He glanced at Cara’s unconscious face. He promised her he would keep her safe. He promised her that _**they**_ all would. Yet he allowed this to happen to her. He felt angry at himself. He felt his hands tighten their hold on her. Suddenly, he felt Saeran’s eyes on him. He stared back. 

“It wasn’t your fault.” was all Saeran said as he went back into asking for help from the paramedics. They provided a stretcher for Cara which was a good thing. She was the only person left in the complex and nobody even tried to help her. 

As he placed Cara down, he heard Zen’s voice. 

“Saeyoung! Is she okay?!” Zen looked so haggard. He was worried to death for her. He made her way to them and Saeyoung noticed that Zen was with Jumin and Jaehee. Thank God, they read his message. Everybody was in their sleeping clothes, even Zen. He hovered like a madman over Cara that the paramedics were even baffled at his reaction. 

“Are you the woman’s boyfriend? Please come with us as we take her to the hospital.” the paramedics told Zen. He didn’t answer but he looked at Jumin. 

“She wouldn’t like it, Jumin. She hates hospitals.” Zen said as he brushed a hair off of Cara’s soot-filled face. 

“Bring a doctor and a nurse to our house, Jumin.” Saeran talked. Everybody looked at him. 

“She’s very much comfortable there, I know. She told me this once. Just for a couple of days until she’s okay. Then she can decide on her own what she wants to do afterwards.” he added. “Let her wake up somewhere she felt happy to be at. She had lost too much.” Saeran scratched his arm as he blushed when he said this. 

“Cara loved the Choi brothers’ house. She needs a comfortable place. Let her rest there. Then I’ll take her home with me... If she’ll allow it.” Zen said. “She has lived at my place before. My apartment can accommodate her enough.” he said as he asked the paramedics to bring Cara to Jumin’s car. 

Saeyoung and the others looked at Zen slowly carrying Cara inside the car as he followed  he inside. 

“I haven’t agreed to all your suggestions and he already took over. He must be pissed he wasn’t the one who got here first.” Jumin said. 

“He’s been worried sick for her since this evening when she wasn’t online.” Jaehee pointed out. 

“He must like her that much.” Yoosung nodded. “He does. She does too. Although both are too stubborn enough to admit.” Saeran added. 

Saeyoung remained quiet. He could feel his anger stir in his system as he remembered how her door looked like when they arrived. If they didn’t go there, if they had no idea of Zen’s worry, if Zen hadn’t had that dream, Cara would be dead by now. 

“Saeyoung hyung, what has gotten you look so grave?” Yoosung asked as they all stared at him. 

“Hyung... is something the matter?” Saeran asked. 

Saeyoung could feel himself shake as he closed his fists tightly. He now had somebody to destroy. The only question is... who?

He stared at his twin brother. 

“Saeran, you saw it yourself, right? My eyes weren’t playing with me?” he silently asked. Saeran understood. 

“Yes.” he answered. 

“What’s going on, Saeyoung? Explain. Why do you look so grim?” Jumin asked. 

Saeyoung needed his friends’ help into catching the asshole. 

“Jumin, if Saeran and I haven’t been able to arrive here on time, Cara will be dead by now. She was locked in her apartment.” Saeyoung started. 

“She must’ve had difficulty getting her keys.” Jaehee guessed. 

“No.” Saeyoung said. “She couldn’t get out because her door has been locked from the outside.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“When we arrived, we saw her door had something blocking the opening.” Saeran added. 

Everybody was shocked. 

“Hyung... you don’t mean that she... that somebody---” Yoosung asked, too afraid to finish his sentence for they all knew his guess was correct.

“Yes, Yoosung.” Saeran said, looking grim himself. 

“Somebody blocked her exit.” Saeyoung said as he looked at Jumin’s car, where Zen was peeking his head, yelling at them to come and hurry. 

“Somebody tried to kill her by locking her in her own house while her apartment burned down.” 

* * *

 


	7. Chapter 7

Jumin had the doctors check on Cara as they arrived at Saeyoung and Saeran’s place. All of the members were patiently waiting outside of Saeran’s room as the doctors were still inside, checking if ever she needed more medical attention. 

Zen was pacing the living room back and forth, worried sick of what the doctors would say when they got out. Jesus christ, it is as if she got into a bad accident and needed operation. She just inhaled smoke in her lungs, but he knew that’d be grave if she was left untreated. He was worried and he was itching to come to her and hold her. All his pacing didn’t help for it just added on to his stress. 

_He almost lost her today._

He almost lost her and he didn’t even try to tell his feelings to her. He hasn’t even kissed her lips and she was almost taken away from him because of a damn fire. 

“Hyung, stop pacing around you’re making me dizzy!” Yoosung cried. They all looked grave and tired. Zen stared at all the members, feeling that something was amiss. They were too serious; too quiet. He wondered what has gotten into them and they were all in a surly mood. Even Jaehee looked quite desolate. 

“What has gotten into all of you? Why do you look so grave?” Zen asked. He didn’t feel good about the way they all tried to avoid his gaze. Even Saeran appeared to be shy. 

What the hell is going on? 

Jumin sighed as he massaged his temples and he looked at him. Finally, somebody had the guts to tell him what’s up. 

“Zen, we can’t tell you unless you sit the hell down.” he quietly said. Zen felt that the issue was very bad so he decided to do what he was told and sat and waited. 

“We might think Cara is in danger.” Jumin started. 

“Danger? What do you mean?” Zen could feel his blood turn cold. Fear suddenly gripped him so hard that he wanted to kick the doctors out of Saeran’s room and just hold Cara. 

Saeyoung described what he had learned today to everybody, recalling the hindrance that was purposely placed outside Cara’s door so that she won’t get out of her apartment during the fire. 

Hearing all this multiplied the fear that has been gnawing at Zen. He couldn’t understand why he was this afraid but he was only sure of one thing: he needed to protect Cara. 

He could feel himself feel angry at the person who wanted to cause harm to this girl who has been the brightest sunshine he has ever had in his entire life. She was the epitome of everything refreshing. She saved him when all he could accept was darkness. She might have arrived in his life in the most unconventional and ironic way, but her genuine kindness and compassion to all of them made him drawn to her more than he ever was to anybody. He has never met anybody like her. She was so busy giving herself for others to be happy, yet she never bothered to ask for something in return. She was a brilliant person and he somehow found himself thanking the gods for her existence every single day. And hearing this issue wherein she is again in danger, he suddenly felt frightened. It may be a very selfish thing, but he cannot bear it if something were to happen to her. She took a big part of himself, he realized. She was somehow a part of his life. 

She made her happy in simple ways he never knew he could find happiness and he can’t let go of that now; not ever. 

She was somebody who he held so dear in his heart and he would die first just to keep her safe. Gaining the knowledge that somebody wanted to mess with her and almost got successful with it fueled his fire of abhorrence. 

“What are we to do then?” Yoosung asked. 

“We’ll find this person. We can hack into the system for the records of the cctv before the fire.” Saeran said as he looked at his twin for confirmation. Saeyoung nodded. 

“We’ll make them pay.” Saeyoung briefly said. 

“She needs to know about this. She has every right to know, right? This is her life in line. We need to tell her.” Zen looked from one member to another. They all looked at him as they agreed. They were a bit reluctant on telling Cara what’s wrong for they didn’t want to make her feel so scared; not only when it has just been months since her experiences with Mint Eye and Rika, but they had no choice because she has every right to know what’s going on. 

“We’ll tell her. Once she’s awake.” Jumin stated with finality. At that exact moment, the doctors opened the room and Zen sprung up and immediately asked how Cara was faring up. 

“She inhaled a lot of smoke, her hands were a bit bruised from banging it on the door and the windows too hard. She’s a weak girl and she needs rest. We’ve given her necessary IVs and we’ll revisit tomorrow afternoon to remove them. She needs to eat when she’s awake. And please, try not to stress her out for a bit. She’s been severely abusing her body, she’s exceeding the description of over fatigue. Please. Let her rest. This is what she needs.” and with that the doctors left the Choi residence. 

Everybody breathed a sigh of relief as they looked at the doctors leave. 

“I need to go home. I still have work and Elizabeth 3rd is waiting for me.” Jumin said. “Saeyoung, take care of her with Zen. I’ll send some food and clothing for her to use. Assistant Kang will see to the arrangements. Well then, I’ll be off.” Jumin said good bye and left Saeyoung’s apartment. Jaehee followed suit as she declared that she will be back after work. 

Yoosung already fell asleep on the couch so they left him alone. Saeyoung, Saeran, and Zen himself were the only ones up, fussing around Cara’s room, making it feel light and comfortable for her then they went back outside so that Cara can fully rest. 

“We’ll sleep at my room, Zen. Please make yourself comfortable.” Saeyoung said as his eyes followed his twin’s departure from the living room and entered Saeyoung’s room.

“Can I stay... by her side?” Zen whispered as he stared at Saeran’s room. 

Saeyoung briefly smiled, wiping the tiredness off of his face. 

“Nobody’s stopping you” he chuckeld. “Besides, that’s where you belong.” Saeyoung silently added as he clapped his hand over Zen’s shoulder. Zen noticed how bloodshot Saeyoung’s eyes were. 

“You better get some rest. You know she wouldn’t love it when she sees you tired. She’s that sharp, Saeyoung.” Zen warned. They both knew Cara will feel guilt over worryign them and exhausting them since they took her in and looked after her. However, Saeyoung, Zen, and the others are willing enough to risk everything to help her. Cara never realized how much of a big help she was to the RFA members. Without her, they would be all feel empty once again. 

“Speak for yourself. You also need beauty sleep.” Saeyung chuckled as he went to his room. “I’ll rest with Saeran. Knock if she’s awake or if you guys need anything.” with that, he closed the door and the twins rested. Zen stared at the closed door for a while as he fought with the urge to go inside Cara’s room.

She needs somebody with her when she wakes up. Zen realized so he forgot morals and he went towards Saeran’s room where she lay unconscious. 

Zen slowly opened the door to Saeran’s room and saw the dark form of a person resting on the bed. Cara loved the lights off whenever she slept that’s why Saeran’s night light wasn’t on. Saeyoung wanted to turn it on so that Cara can see immediately where she was when she woke up but Zen insisted she liked sleeping in the dark. He slowly shut the door and he made his way onto the bed. The window was open and the wonderful hues of dawn slowly reflected the room. Zen was tired, but he knew Cara was the most exhausted one here. He stared at her as she slept. She looked so serene that he was so captivated. He slowly reached out his hand and brushed stray hairs from her face. He slowly caressed her cheek as he sat on the edge of the bed. He took her hands slowly, careful not to move it too much since the IV were injected in her hand and slowly traced circles on her hands. 

“I promise... from this day on, Cara... I will protect you with all I have.” He whispered as he slowly placed her hand back down and he touched her face every so lightly as to not disturb her slumber. She knitted her brows together and mumbled sleepily as she felt the contact, but she never woke up. She remained sleeping. 

Zen placed his forehead on hers lightly as he closed his eyes, taking in her calm breaths, listening to her sounds as she slept. For a while he patterned his breathing with hers, trying to relax himself as he remembered her near death encounter today. 

“I can’t lose you, Cara.” he whispered painfully. He felt tears sting his eyes and he blinked a lot of times to stop it from coming. His head still on hers, his hand still caressing her cheeks, he remained in that position as he fought with the strong feeling that gripped him as he mingled with her as she slept. He knew she couldn’t hear what he was saying, and that was good. He didn’t want her to hear what he’s saying just yet. He wasn’t ready to see the rejection and fear in her eyes. He wasn’t ready to accept that she didn’t love him back. 

“I can’t bear it if you’re gone.” he said. “I just can’t. You grew on me, you punk.” he quietly chucked. He brushed his nose against hers. Again, he closed his eyes as he savored the sensation of her being this near to him. He felt like he was a pervert but the confusing feeling of worry, fear, and adoration swirled around his body that his control was slowly slipping from his grasp. 

“I don’t know what I will be without you. You’re my light. You made me feel important. You looked past my flaws and helped me accept myself, even my issues. Nobody... Nobody makes me feel this confused as you do.” He mumbled.  

As he said these words, Cara suddenly sighed a name and he’s innocent assault stopped as he pulled back with shock. 

“Zen...” Cara sighed. 

For a moment Zen was frozen still as the thought was still sinking in. 

She was dreaming of you... You are in her thoughts as she slept.... 

Zen’s control slipped. 

He closed his eyes as he happily sighed, his fear of losing you slowly melted away from the blissful sensation that came when she sighed his name. As he leaned in to her face, he did not place his hands on her cheeks, neither did he place his forehead against hers. This time, both of his hands grasped the sides of her face gently, as he pressed his lips on hers for a sleepy, yet blissful kiss. 

* * *

 

Cara opened her eyes to a bright room. Her sight was bit unsteady and she felt heavy. She closed her eyes one more time and she started to look at where she was. 

Why am I in Saeran’s room? She wondered. She raked her mind to make her remember how she got here and that’s when everything came crashing on her. She remembered the fire, she remembered fighting for her life as she lost consciousness, she remembered Saeran’s arm around her, Saeyoung carrying her. She heard Zen’s voice, comforting her as she drifted off to sleep. She felt a sharp twinge of pain in her chest as reality started to sink in. 

I lost my home. She had nothing left. 

Her eyes frantically looked for the bag she brought with her as she escaped her apartment and she saw by the edge of Saeran’s computer desk, her bag was there. She sighed relief. Well at least she got the box and her laptop out of that place. 

Odd. Why do I feel so heavy? 

She slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position and she looked down on her body. She was wearing somebody’s sweater. Judging by the smell, it was Saeran’s. She gasped as she saw an arm was draped across her stomach and she quickly looked at her left to see who the hell was sleeping beside her. She saw Zen’s peaceful face, his hair ruffled as it laid spread on the pillows. He was sleeping on his side and he was starting to stir awake from her movements. His brows furrowed and his eyes opened. 

“Zen...” she blushed. What the hell was she getting flustered for? 

“Oh, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” He raised himself up as he started to touch the sides of her face and looked at her. Evidence of sleep nonexistent in his now worried glance. Seeing him this frantic over her made her want to cry. She was so scared that she coudln’t see them again; that she may not survive and not see **_him_** again. As she remembered the feeling of hopelessness as Zen asked her again if she was okay, she felt a lump in her throat and she could feel tears rise up in her eyes. She held his hand as she leaned in to his touch. 

“Wh-what is it? Why are you teary eyed? Does something hurt?” Zen asked. Cara simply shook her head. Her other hand grasped his shirt front tightly and she looked at him. 

“I was so scared...” she whispered as she succumbed to her fears and she cried. 

She felt Zen’s arms surround her as he carefully avoided crushing or pulling out the IV tube. His embrace was a huge comfort as she wept. She could feel her fear slowly drift away as he brushed his hands over her hair and back over and over again until she felt the soothing comfort dissipate the negative feelings that were swirling in her system, making her anxious. 

“I’m here. You’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He whispered in her ear as he kissed her hair and he held her tightly. 

Feeling Zen’s embrace was all she needed. She needed strength to look forward, and she knew he’s the only one who could help her through this. The other RFA members were dear to her, but she and Zen are connected in ways that the RFA people cannot decipher nor even comprehend. They knew this, and they both did too. 

As she cried in Zen’s arms, she didn’t want to leave. 

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

Time passed by and the two people still held on to each other, not wanting to let go of the other because they knew that the spell was too good to be true, that in the arms of one another, they found solace. There was an unwritten promise between Cara and Zen. They both knew this, yet both couldn’t say it out loud. Both were too afraid to let something slip; making everything in that particular time ruined. Cara leaned her right cheek on Zen’s chest as she tried her best to calm herself down. She felt so calm and collected whenever Zen held her. Saeyoung and Yoosung usually give her a hug, however, Zen’s hug were the most calming one she ever had. His body was rock hard because of the toned muscles he possessed but the warmth and the love that emanates from the embraces gives her blissful peace that she can’t ask for nothing more.

She started. 

**_Love?_ **

What? Why was she thinking of such a thing? 

She closed her eyes shut as to erase her thoughts. She didn’t need to go down that drain again. She needed to find out where she will live for the time being. her house burned out for god’s sake. She needed clothes, even. She shifted her position as she leaned her chin on Zen’s chin and she stared at him. 

“Where will I go?” She quietly asked. Zen looked at her and he smiled. 

“Well... for the time being... You can stay with one of us.” Zen breathed as his hand started to caress her hair again. It was as if he knew it’s a difficult thing for her to choose and to impose herself upon the RFA when she should be living alone already. He was comforting her, she realized and she closed her eyes. 

“You can stay with Jaehee...” he suggested. She shook her head. 

“With Yoosung,” She scrunched up her nose and giggled. “He’ll be too noisy playing.” She added. She heard Zen chuckle. 

“With Jumin?” She laughed at that. 

“With the Choi twins?” She considered for a moment, then shook her head. 

“With me?” Zen softly asked. His hands stopped caressing her hair for three seconds when he brought it back to it’s old movements. Cara could feel his heart skip as she placed her cheeks back to his chest. She considered for a moment the suggestion.

I’ll be living with Zen? Just the thought of them being able to see each other every single day made her heart flutter. She also took into consideration the craving to touch him as she imagined how their setting would be. For sure, it’d be the same as the way it was before, where they were in perfect harmony, she was working and he, busy with his rehearsals. They were practically like college roomies and they both didn’t mind if they were together since Zen respected her as much as she respected his own privacy. 

She smiled at the thought of seeing him make her pancakes every weekend and she felt anticipation creep in her system as she realized that she wanted to stay with Zen the most. She knew he was waiting for her answer so she just simply wrapped her hands around her waist and she buried her face deep into his as she sighed in his scent. 

“That’d be lovely.” she whispered. 

* * *

 

When Zen heard her whisper “That’d be lovely.” as she cuddled deeper into his chest, he thought his heart was gonna explode. His feet were dying from being in the same position for sometime, but her soft warmth and her smell made everything okay. 

He felt himself feel so happy at the idea of her living with him again. They have been together under one roof before since she was in danger with what Mint Eye have done to Saeran, but she immediately moved away when everything was alright. He wanted her to stay before but he could never voice out what he wanted. It was too soon for that before. However, he wondered if it was still too soon to propose the prospect to her this time? 

Zen nudged her head, asking her to look at her again. As she placed her chin on his chest and stared at him, he forgot what he wanted to tell her. He was immediately sucked in her eyes as if he could always live in there and never leave. His mind panicked as her tried to grope for the right words to say to her while she was looking at him so expectantly. 

“You’d live with me?” Zen asked. “You won’t find it weird? Since we don’t have a relationship?” he asked quietly. He held his breathe as he saw her look sideways as if she was reconsidering his offer. Zen didn’t know how long he was holding his breath when she suddenly shook her head and she smiled. 

“We’ve been together before in one roof. Your fans know of me and ridiculously enough, have a fan base for an OTP, and work will be easier for me since my office and your office are near your apartment.” She smiled. 

“Ah. You have. A. Point.” Zen pinched her nose as he said this. He made a very big mistake when he briefly glanced at her lips and she did the same. 

Uh oh.

_Control it. You already took advantage of those lips when she was sleeping._ Zen thought to himself. He could feel himself feel flustered as Cara absentmindedly moved her head nearer to his. Zen’s arm tightened round Cara as she clutched his shoulders. He suddenly remembered how soft her lips have been when his lips touched hers as she slept. He remembered how much she sighed happily after he pulled away and he slept beside her. 

**_Enough of this. No._ **

To Zen’s surprise, he jumped at the sound of a knock at the door followed by Saeyoung’s voice. “We’re going in.” he said. Cara quickly dipper her head at the curve of his neck as he felt her exhale a breath. He could feel her warm cheeks at the side of his neck and he realized he was blushing. He smiled to himself and hugged her tightly once more before he broke the spell that enveloped them in Saeran’s room. 

* * *

 

“Ah there she is!” Yoosung smiled as you sat back in bed as Zen fluffed the pillow and placed it behind Cara’s back as he let her lean on the bed’s head board. Cara pasted a smile on her face and tried to calm her heart down. Cara tucked in her hair behind her ears as she watched Saeyoung on the side of the bed and stared at you while Saeran and Yoosung sat on the floor. 

_You were about to kiss Zen a while ago..._ Cara reminded herself. She mentally shook herself to pay attention to her rational mind, not her stupid heart who kept on beating too fast whenever Zen was near her. 

_Don’t, Cara._

Cara’s train of thought got disturbed when Saeyoung roughly pulled her against him and he held her tightly. She was so shocked she could only look at Zen and the others and awkwardly put her arms around Saeyoung. 

“Saeyoung, I’m okay. Thank you for saving me.” Cara whispered. Saeyoung pulled away and what she saw in his eyes made her tear up again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” He simply said. He looked so guilt stricken that the tears Cara have been trying to stop flowed. Saeyoung wiped her tears through his thumbs and pulled a tight smile. 

“We have to protect you pronto. You can’t stay on your own place again until this has been resolved.” Cara somehow had a clue on what was Saeyoung talking about; everything was written in his eyes and she knew that she was the only one who could understand him this well other than his own twin. 

“H-hyung! Don’t baffle her with things like these, she just woke up!” Yoosung warned. 

“She has the right to know immediately, Yoosung.” Saeran pointed out. Cara stared at Zen because he was the only one keeping quiet as the trio debated on whether they’d tell me. She suddenly jumped when she felt somebody hold her hand. She looked down and she suddenly saw Zen’s hand grasping her. She slowly looked at him and she saw his reaction and she knew she need not be afraid. 

She squeezed his hand back as he encouragingly told her silently to go for it. 

“I know.” was all she could say. 

The trio fell silent and abruptly looked at her. 

“What?” Saeran asked. 

“I know somebody tried to kill me during the fire.” 

“And?” Saeyoung asked. 

“And... I think I know who did it.” 

* * *

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh DX I'm sorry for the late upload!! My work has started being a hassle again (as if it never was) I'll try to update as much as I can! :D

 

* * *

 

Everybody fell silent as they all looked at her. 

Cara with wide eyes. She felt her cheeks warm up as she refused to meet anybody’s gaze. She let go of Zen’s hand as she placed them on her lap and she kept looking down until she heard Saeran’s voice. 

“Who did this?” His voice was filled with anger that she began to feel frightened. His stare at her was so intense… so honest… so angry that she knew they would go to all lengths just to help her be safe. She silently shook her head as she silently pleaded Saeran to reconsider doing what she thought he was thinking. 

“Saeran—” she began but she heard Saeyoung’s voice boom out and she suddenly jumped. 

“WHO?!” 

Cara shut her eyes as she slowly calmed herself down. She opened her mouth to explain but she felt Zen’s hand on her shoulder. 

“Saeyoung, I understand your anger, but please, you’re scaring her. Let her explain.” Zen quietly said. To Cara’s surprise, Zen was the most calm in the group when she expected him to have the angry outburst. She was scared because she never saw this side from the twins. Yoosung remained silent but she could tell her was holding his tongue. Yoosung himself looked very grave. 

Cara knew she needed to explain how and when did she guess who wanted to kill her and why. 

“It’s one of the guests last time we had the party.” She started. 

“He kept on forcing himself on me during the party, but I refused. He wanted me so that he could get leverage among the other guests and maybe get special treatment. I refused and he told me that as long as I block out what he wants, he’ll make my life hell. He is too powerful, guys. I can’t let you risk it…” Cara explained. She had indeed been getting a lot of threats from the man, but she was too busy for other things that she didn’t have the time to feel scared. 

“Did he do things to you before? Something like the fire, but subtle?” Saeyoung asked. 

Cara shook her head as she tried to remember if he did something else than block her exit in the fire. 

“No, he only gave me scary messages.” Cara said. 

“You don’t seem to be rattled upon the fact that somebody is out to get you.” Saeran silently looked at her. His eyes were telling her that she did great for being brave and it held something like an encouragement that she can rely on them. 

“Thank you.” Cara blurted out. She hated the mere fact that the whole encounter with the fire made her so emotional, but she was so touched that the RFA were there to take care of her and help her when she knew she didn’t deserve all of this after barging in their lives over her being gullible, thinking she was doing somebody a favor by returning a lost phone some stranger found in a train. 

All the men looked at her, shocked at her outburst o gratitude as they watched her cry. She clenched her hands on the blanket that was wrapped from her waist down to her toes. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as she looked down, her hair covering her entire face as she sobbed. Tears spilling onto the blanket, leaving wet blotches as proof of her grief over her near death experience and gratitude over these people who took her safety an utmost importance when she didn’t deserve it. She tried wiping her tears but she flinched in pain as she remembered that her hand has an IV tube connected to it. She suddenly started when she felt an arm wrap around her from her side. 

To her surprise, it was Saeran holding her. 

“Don’t cry.” he silently said as he awkwardly patted her head. Soon after, she felt another set of arms wrap around her. This time it was Saeyoung’s. 

“We’ll fix this for you.” His tone was back to the Saeyoung she was close with. She closed her eyes as she felt the comfort the twins gave her. She then felt yet again, another pair of arms wrap around her from behind, realizing it was Yoosung. 

“We’re family, Cara. We look after our own.” he said. She smiled as she leaned into their touch. 

“Thank you.” She whispered. 

“No. It is you we should thank.” Saeran said. “We wouldn’t be where we are now if you didn’t come in our lives. Even if it was an evil lure by my past self, I am still glad I chose you. You have a heart of gold, Cara.” Saeran said. 

“You saved us all, Cara.” Yoosung said. 

“You gave us a new chance in life, and this time we’ll protect your with all that we’ve got.” Saeyoung said. 

She was comforted and she felt so loved and happy. She was so fortunate. If she would be given the chance to repeat what had happened to her, she would do it over and over again if it meant that she could be with these people for all her life. She treasured them and she was glad that they treasured her too. 

“Oh. I didn’t know we’re having a group hug. Let me join in!” Zen chimed in as he tried to lighten the mood. Cara chuckled as the trio said “No!” all at the same time. Zen recoiled from shock, disgust and jealousy replacing his shocked features. 

“You had her when we didn’t enter the room.” Saeyoung pointed out. 

Zen blushed and looked away and Cara could feel her cheeks get warm as she she herself blushed while the trio held her in their arms. 

* * *

 

Cara was sleeping on the couch as her head laid on Saeyoung’s lap. She was still feeling weak so she slept a lot but she insisted of moving around. By noon, the doctors returned and they removed the IV and urged Cara to eat and rest right after. She was watching TV with the trio when they decided to play and Cara would just watch. She asked Saeyoung if she could lie down in the middle of the trio’s game since she wanted to be near somebody she’s close to. 

Zen was very jealous and he regretted the mere fact that he went outside to get food for them all. He wanted his lap to be where she’s resting her head, but instead she went with Saeyoung’s. He couldn’t blame himself is she wanted to lie on Saeyoung’s lap. She was best friends with the guy. Still, he couldn’t erase the tinge of jealousy he felt pinching at his heart, waiting to be acknowledged. He slammed the door as loud as he could so that he could announce his arrival. 

“Oh hyung you’re here! Just put the groceries at the counter and come join us.” Yoosung said as he waved his hand which was holding the controller. Zen shook his head as he made his way to the couch and he kicked Saeyoung, telling him he’s getting Cara off of him since he wanted to sit. 

He slowly held Cara’s head and raised it as he moved her body and re-positioned her; her head laid on his broad chest as he held her. She suddenly shifted and she suddenly raised her head. 

“You’re home.” She said. He nodded as he smiled at her. She suddenly looked at him and she tilted her head to the side, causing her locks to flow to the direction where she tilted. Something in her movements were different that even Saeyoung noticed. 

“What is it?” Saeyoung asked. 

“I want to go to the park.” she suddenly burst out. She must’ve been having an anxiety attack because Zen noticed she was looking from one direction to another. She’s like this when she’s about to get an anxiety attack. She always hid in the park to calm down. 

“She’s getting crazy and she’s not even living here.” Saeran chuckled as he turned the console off and stood up and reached for his brother’s and Yoosung’s coat. 

“Let’s go.” 

And they all went to the park. 

* * *

 

Cara was walking around the park in Saeran’s sweat pants and sweater. It was autumn and the wind was quite harsh but she didn’t mind. She suddenly remembered the fire as she was sleeping and it was a good thing she woke up at Zen’s door slam. However, she could feel her anxiety awaken for the first time after the fire incident. It was spoiled of her ask her friends to come out for her, but she didn’t have the strength to handle herself at Saeyoung’s house. She needed to breathe fresh air and relax. 

She was to live with Zen for the mean time as Saeyoung tracked the man who wanted to kill her. They all decided that it’s Zen who she’ll be staying with since the concept wasn’t new to both and Zen can protect her. She agreed, but what worried her was that she might lose herself in her thoughts of Zen. She was starting to feel fuzzier and this makes her feel disconcerted since she was still confused on why was she feeling this way when it comes to Zen. 

She knew she’d always choose Zen over the offer of the others that they’d take care of her. She knew Zen and they have been together in one roof before, so she could do the same now. It is the least she could do since they worked hard in protecting her. Besides, her heart and mind shouted the same thing regarding this issue. She really wanted to be with Zen. 

She closed her eyes as she took in the breeze as it whirled around her and ruined her hair. She had to be careful of the things she were feeling when she was with Zen. She needed to control it. She can’t let things happen to her twice. 

She shook her head as her mind was about to let her remember the things she wanted to forget. As she gazed at the autumn trees and as the sky darkened, she realized that it was almost time for them to go back. They had to prepare herself since she’ll be moving in with Zen when Jumin calls them for something. It is as if the men she was with were waiting for something Jumin would say. 

As she thought of this, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket as she saw that Saeyoung was calling her. She answered as she continued to stare at the wonderful autumn trees. 

“Cara, we need to get back. Jumin’s on his way from work.” 

Cara turned around too fast that she bumped into a person as she spoke with Seven. 

“Oh!” Cara gasped, her hand still holding the phone to her ear as she felt two arms steady her on her feet since she technically bumped into a wall of a person so tall. She almost stumbled back and lose her balance because of the impact of bumping to this person. She thought that maybe it was her jittery feeling of anxiety, but something wasn’t right. 

“Woah hey. Easy.” the man murmured.

Cara froze.

She was about to apologize, but when she heard that voice, she lost her voice. At the same time, the wind blew around them and she smelled a perfume that she didn’t expect to smell for the longest time. Hoping that she has made a mistake of thinking of who this person was, she slowly pushed herself to look up at the face of the person.

It was as if time stood still as she looked up on the eyes of the demons of her past. Her eyes widened, and she felt colder than she’s supposed to. Memories suddenly came crashing onto her, making her feel wave after wave of emotions, pain and grief being the more prominent than anything else. She couldn’t move her mouth, she couldn’t even breathe.

"Cara? Who was that? Cara!” She could hear Saeyoung’s worried voice over the phone but she couldn’t respond. She stood there, at arms length with the person in front of her, the wind adding on to the chill she felt slowly creep into her system. Her hands started to shake and she suddenly felt afraid.

"Cara.” He breathed.

Cara lost a grip on her phone and it fell on the ground, the impact being cushioned by a bed of dried autumn leaves.

With one word, with just her name… Her past that she tried to forget came back to her all at once.

**_“When the conscious self have successfully forgotten, the subconscious will find ways to make you remember.”_ **

And she knew she was doomed.


	10. Chapter 10

 

* * *

 

_Funny. It feels like a long time for me to feel like this._

Cara could feel her own voice in her head as her mind went blank and she slacked at the touch of the man before her. She suddenly felt herself be drained of her happiness, her strength, and her hope. It took her one year to build herself up and now the reason for her downfall stood before here. She looked down, averting her gaze at the man’s face. She wanted to look at everywhere but him. She chose to look at her phone. 

She have been in this black pit before. 

She could feel herself feel weaker by the minute and she could feel her frustration bubble up in her chest, causing her to cry. She is an emotional wreck with the fire and all. She was trying to be brave but meeting him here, during her most vulnerable state, and all alone, was her last straw. She didn’t want fate to ruin her progress, yet still she welcomed the beckoning of the darkness she resided in for a year. She felt herself feel numb as she felt tears slide down her cheeks. 

Why? 

She continued to stare at her phone. 

Why, why, why, why? 

She could hear her name be called by him, yet another was from somebody far. 

“Cara? Cara!” It was Saeyoung and Zen. 

Like a cold water being splashed on her face, she rememebered she had them She ahd the RFA. His grip tightened on her arm. 

“You have men with you?” he asked. This sparked the hatred Cara felt taht she wasn’t able to convey. She looked at his eyes as she brushed off his arm and pushed him. 

“That’s none of your business.” she said flatly. She took a step back and she picked up her phone and paved her way back as she screamed, “I’m here!” 

“Cara.” he said and she stopped walking, but she didn’t look back. 

“I-I’ve missed you.” he said. his voice contained a lot of emotions. But then again, Cara fell for it a lot of times before. However, she isn’t falling back this time. 

“I didn’t.” she said and she walked away. She didn’t look back for she doesn’t like him seeing her shake or even seeing her shed tears for him.

She wasn’t supposed to be feeling pain anymore, it has been a year. However, when she saw his face, she remembered every single painful thing she had suffered. She knew she didn’t need closure, yet the wound of the past hasn’t completely healed. She staggered forward, one foot after the other, nothing but the crushing of autumn leaves and her heavy breathing could be heard. 

She wanted to hide. She wanted to feel nothing anymore. 

She didn’t miss him, nor did she still love him. Those emotions were long dead when he made his choice. She felt herself get wrapped around the blanket of anger and pain and fear. She was mad and she was hurt still. She was afraid for she made so much progress and she didn’t want him ruining her again. 

“Cara!” Zen’s voice sounded so loudly now, he must be in front of her. 

“I’m here.” she said as she looked up and saw the boys frantically looking for her. Saeyoung’s hair was disheveled by the wind just like hers and Zen was still as lovely as ever. She was crying she knew it, and another moment she was in Saeyoung’s arms. 

Funny, she wanted Zen to hold her. But he stood where she found him. 

“It’s okay. I know he’s here.” Saeyoung said. 

Of all the RFA, the only person who knew about him and her was Saeyoung. He was the one who did intensive research about her upon meeting her. He knew she has been fighting anxiety for a long time so she knew he noticed how much it took over her especially when she had the encounter. 

“I heard on the phone. His voice.” He continued to soothe her as he whispered in her ear. She just stood there and feel new tears come up in her eyes. She suddenly grasped Saeyoung’s back as emotions engulfed her senses and she couldn’t stop crying. 

“Saeyoung... Zen... I’m sorry.” she blurted out between her sobs on Saeyoung’s chest. Zen remained rooted on the spot, he didn’t understand why, he didn’t know what to do. Saeyoung held her, whispering comforting words she couldn’t even understand. 

“Shhh. I know, Cara.” 

“I-I-I don’t want to feel this pain anymore, Saeyoung. H-he came back i-in m-my life a-and I-I-I’m s-so s-sc-scared.”Cara was muttering like a little child but she didn’t care. She has been trying to be strong for too long she didn’t know she was still so fragile. She had to cry everything out. She wanted to be free of the pain. 

She could feel it. The thing she fears the most happened.

She’s now back into the bottomless pit of darkness. 

This time, it’s a lot worse.

* * *

 

“Are we still switching the keys to a higher pitch, or is this enough?” One of Zen’s co-star asked the music producer as they practiced. It was cold outside, but inside the theater, it was hot as hell. He glanced at the audience seats where Cara sat, busily fumbling on her laptop while she was talking on the phone through headphones. She had her work mode on and she looked so strict and stressed out. It has been days since the fire and she finally settled in his apartment. They go together to hsi rehearsals and she works with the other crew if needed, but today she was busy making some arrangements for the next RFA party. He continued to look at her as she somehow cracked a smile as she answered another phone call. Must be one of the members of the RFA. 

He knew something happened during that time she asked to go out and go to the park. She hasn’t told him about it yet. Actually, she acted as if nothing happened at all, but he could notice that her eyes were always so gloomy; they were always thinking. She locked herself up in Saeyoung’s room when they got back and she only went out when Jumin and Jaehee went to check on her. He wanted to break through her barrier but he knew it’d be no use to force her at this moment to open up if she didn’t want to.

She was so near to him, yet she was still so far. 

She was the same Cara he knew, but he also felt that something was missing. Somehting was incredibly amiss and he couldn’t point a finger on what happened. He continued to look at her as she grabbed a notebook from inside her purse. She had her hair messily braided and her curls were lain on her right shoulder. She looked so pristine and beautiful that his heart yearned to hold her and never let go. Her smile was a genuine smile so probably she was talking to the RFA members. She was wearing a black long sleeved sweater which was topped with a wine red jumper. Dark colors suited her a lot. She was still wearing stockings and she was also a newly bought boots from Jumin. She lost a lot during the fire, but Jumin and Jaehee made sure she had new set of clothes to use. Even Saeyoung and Saeran tipped in, giving her house clothes and some sweat pants. Groceries were also given by Jumin so that Zen didn’t have to spend a lot on making her feel comfortable. 

They actually had a routine at home. 

If she didn’t come with him to work, she was at home, cleaning and arranging everything she pleased. He always came home to her either watching tv, reading, or sketching something. He felt at peace seeing somebody waiting for him at home, but he knew the person who he was living with him isn’t his. No matter how much he tried to stop it, there are instances where he wanted to touch her. He had self control and he had respect for her. She was the sweetest person at times, but he needed to keep his distance or he will definitely lose control. She cannot imagine how many time she wished to sleep beside her because he wanted her warmth and he really wanted to keep her close. For now, he will settle with the mere fact that she is living with him. Even is she wasn’t hers. 

“She is bound to notice you staring at her, you know.” one of his crew whsipered to him. This made him jump out of reverie and looked at his friend smirking at him.

“Oooh you got it bad.” he teased. “Shut up.” Zen said and he walked away. 

“Ah Zen. We’re all for you both, ya know.” he yelled after him. 

* * *

 

It’s a cold day but she knew it is a lot worse for Zen since the stage is too hot and when they both went out it was dead cold. She needed to find him a good set of dry cltohes before they left. She was walking down in the hallways to where Zen’s dressing room was so that she could leave the clothes there as he changed. 

She felt like she was a wife, but she knew as his manager she is responsible of taking care of him. So she did. She’s living with Zen now, and sometimes it was difficult because of her urges to touch him, but she still refused to give in. She wasn’t ready for this, and she thought that she will ever be. She grasped Zen’s clothes tightly as she felt another surge of anxiety rush over her. The small hallway was not helping her either. She felt suffocated. She needed to go out. She hasitly made her way through the dressing rooms when she heard footsteps follwoing her. 

She stopped. 

She slowly looked behind her and she could almost swear that her heart almost dropped. 

Standing a few feet away from her was her demon. She could feel her grasp on Zen’s clothes fall and she was scared as his eyes scoured over her. She felt naked under his gaze, as if he was forcing in a message to her.

He started to walk towards her. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked silently. 

She took a step back felt the wall behind her. 

She closed her eyes shut. 

_No. Zen. Don’t come near me!_

She couldn’t say anything for the pain and the memories of her past came rushing back to her, shwoing images she never wanted to see; she never wnated to remember. 

She held Zen’s clothes near to her, hoping that even if it’s just his scent, she would be comforted by it. 

“Whose clothes are those?” he asked as he placed a hand beside her head on the wall. Their faces were inches with each other now. Cara foudn it hard to breathe. 

“Please, leave me alone.” she whispered as she placed Zen’s clothes on her face, hoping to gain some distance between this demon. She wasn’t afraid because he wasn’t dangerous. She was afraid because his mere presence brings back the pain she tried so hard to bury. She was sinking in deeper and she knew she will never get out if she allowed her pain to swallow her whole. 

She felt his head rest on her shoulders and that made her jump.

“That. is a problem.” he chuckled. He took a deep breath as he sucked in her scent, as if he wanted to selfishly take her then and there. 

Cara was afraid. 

“Don’t touch me!” she gasped as she tried to push him away. 

“Nobody’s gonna hear you.” he said. 

“I don’t care.” She pushed him as strongly as she could but he wouldn’t budge. She wanted to be away from him. He’s bringing her anxiety back. She wanted somebody to help her. 

She wanted Zen to help her. 

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” He raised his head up and looked at her. He positioned his head on level with hers and brought his face closer to her. As he went closer, Cara inched hers away. 

“W-we have nothing to talk about. We were over a long time ago.” She said. She could feel anger rise up in her and she wanted to slap him. 

“Oh? A year isn’t that long.” he mocked. “What if it was over for you, but it wasn’t over for me, hmm?” he cooed. Cara froze. 

“What?” She asked. She could feel blood pumping in her ears, she couldn;t breathe, she couldn’t think. All she knew is that she was afraid. 

He was here. He’s gonna ruin her life again. 

She was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t even hear Zen’s footsteps appraoch them. They bothd din’t hear sicne they were both challenging each other to say something that would either hurt one or the another. 

Cara suddenly jumped at the cold lash of a voice from the other side of the hallway and her demon stood away from her and looked at where the voice came from. Cara’s eyes glanced as to where the voice came from and her hear tfelt it was being torn in two. 

“What the hell is going on?” 

On the other side of the hallway was Zen looking at them both, his eyes filled with fury. 

Zen saw them together. He saw how close her demon was to her. She hoped that he also saw the fear in her face and in her eyes. 

Zen saw everything. 


	11. Chapter 11

 

* * *

 

_I do not like what I am seeing._

This was the first thought that came into Zen’s brain when he saw this man get this near his Cara. 

**_His Cara?_ **

She wasn’t hers, why is he claiming ownership? More so, why is this guy being so touchy and close to her. He observed how Cara was gripping his spare clothes and how her hands badly shook. She was having one of her attacks and he thinks that this boy caused it.

He took a step forward and managed to make a scary stance to intimidate the man. Luckily, the man’s eyes didn’t look challenging at all, he was pissed, he could notice that, but other than that, the man was intimidated. He was tall, well built, but Zen knew his looks exceeded the man’s. 

Why was he being insecure over this puny little thing? He has Cara, he makes Cara smile. This bastard makes her scared to death. And he wanted to know why, but somehow deep in his heart, he knew he didn’t want what he will hear if ever he will hear something from her. She was shaking and he knew she’ll collapse soon if he didn’t save her. He still had to come back for work and practice since the performance for the play is coming soon. But he needed to get her away from this man because he can see how much strain she is in. She was close to being hysterical. He could sense her anxiety coming in on her. 

He walked slowly to where the two people were, never taking his eyes off of the man who made her look like she was gonna be eaten alive. The way her eyes widened like saucers when she realized he was standing there all along made him angrier. He didn’t want her to be this afraid. He didn’t even know to whom she was afraid of. The man tried to be brave as much as he could but when he stopped just a few feet away from him, he felt the man shift and feel uncomfortable through his movements. 

“I want you to leave.” Zen silently said. This was a warning, they both knew. If the man retaliated from the order, he knew he will lose control. 

“I think I’ll stay here.” the man puffed out his chest even as his eyes darted from right to left. Zen chuckled and ducked his head as he slowly shook it. He was finding it hard to gain control of his temper. He didn’t want to hurt a man in front of Cara, especially when she was this afraid of things. 

“I am the stage engineer for your show, so you must respect me and let me have the perfect time to talk to my girlfriend.” 

Zen’s head suddenly snapped up and at the same time Cara’s face whipped to face the man’s face. Her eyes suddenly filled with loathing. The next thing Zen knew was that the man grabbed Cara’s arm and she yelped in pain.

He lost it. He saw nothing but red. 

He punched the man squarely in the jaw. 

* * *

 

As her demon fell to the floor from the impact of Zen’s fist on his jaw, Cara covered her mouth as she muffled a scream. She worried Zen might get into trouble by hurting the stage engineer. She rushed on to Zen and placed her palms on his chest as she tried to push as much as she could as she pleaded for him. She clutched his shirt when she couldn’t feel him stopping. He was mad. She could feel him shaking. At this moment, she felt so afraid for Zen. She felt so afraid and somehow... she also felt humbled. 

Somebody was fighting for her. 

“Zen! Zen, please! Stop it! He’s not worth it!” she pleaded. But Zen just held her hand and tried to take it off from his chest. 

“Cara, let go of me.” he quietly said. His voice made her shudder. She was scared. He was so mad. She was at fault. This was all her fault. 

She pulled at his arm when he walked past her. She threw his clothes on the ground and pulled him as strongly as she could so that she could whip him around. 

“He’s... Not... Worth... it!” She said. But she gasped when she felt his hands clamped around her arms and he shook her. 

“But you are!” he growled. Her mouth opened to say something but the look in his eyes made her speechless. His eyes were full of anger and worry and something that made her heart want to leap out of her chest. 

“You can’t just let me stand by as he insults you! Look at you! You were like a little bunny cowering from a prey! You can’t expect me to stand by when he makes you look _this_ miserable. You can’t let me!” Zen slowly shook her. 

They continued to look at each other for a while until Cara’s mind was screaming with alarm and something else she didn’t know. As if her body was acting on its own, her arms slowly rose to touch the sides of his face. 

Zen’s angry face slowly diminished to a confused state and his eyes, blazing just minutes ago, were now confused. She slowly pulled his face to hers as she placed her forehead to his. She closed her eyes as she lightly shook her head.

She slowly shushed his protests as she opened her eyes and looked at him. 

“Look at me. Look at only me.” she silently said. Her demon now forgotten, he stared at how Cara calmly tried her best to calm this man down. 

“I am okay. You are with me, and I am okay. So please. I know you were fighting for me, but please. I don’t want you to get intro trouble. Please.” She whispered as she saw Zen’s eyes calm down and his hands touched her wrists as he slowly tightened her grip on his face. 

“I’m okay now. You’re already here. I am okay.” she whispered. Zen’s stance started to relax and she sighed in gratitude. 

“You’re okay?” he whispered back. She quietly nodded. 

It took them a simple cough from the perpetrator for them to snap out of their reverie and Zen got pissed. 

She felt his arms snake around her and he faced her demon once again. 

“I do not give a damn whoever you are, but if I ever see you make her this afraid again, I will end you.” 

Her demon scoffed and smirked, he wiped the blood on the side of his mouth and he stood up. 

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise.” 

* * *

 

Cara held her breath as she waited for another outburst but her demon simply looked at her and said, “You must be so special to him, eh?” He chuckled. She could feel Zen’s arms tighten their hold on her. She placed her right hand at his back and slowly did claming strokes as if to tell him she was alright. 

“See you ‘till next time then.” he murmurred and he left. Cara had to wait for a while until his back was out of her sight before she closed her eyes and let go of the rbeath she had been holding. She slowly let go of Zen but her had other plans. 

He turned her around and he held her as tight as he could. He examined her from head to toe, asking her if she was okay.

“Zen, please. I am okay.” She smiled. But she knew Zen isn’t convinced. He palced his hands on the side of her face and he said, “Go home now. I want you to rest. You’ve been doing a lot.” He said. 

Cara was feeling a bit tired so she nodded. She took his hands off of her face as she searched where she threw his spare clothes, hoping they weren’t crumpled. She saw them on the corner behind them and she picked them up. 

She went back towards Zen and handed it to him. 

“You’ve been sweating all day. I was hoping I could give it to you but I met somebody... and I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes as she shook her head but she jumped when she felt Zen’s hand cover her own as he took the clothes. 

“Go home and rest.” He smiled as he pulled her for a kiss on the forehead. 

“Promise me you’ll text me when you get home, okay? I have my keys with me so lock up.” he added. Cara nodded and watched as Zen walked away. 

* * *

 

Zen silently opened the door of his apartment since it was already 12 midnight when he got back from his rehearsals. He was tired, but he was more worried that he hurt Cara’s feelings by letting her go home. His colleagues were so pissed at him because somehow, his manager managed to become close to them in a span of days and they were mad that she had to leave without even saying goodbye. 

As he entered the apartment, it was already dark and he could hear the silent hum of the thermostat inside his room. Cara must be sleeping because he can’t see any lamp or even the main light in his room open. He badly needed a bath and he was hungry. He made his way to the kitchen as he took off his coat and left his things on the couch and he saw that there was something covered in the dining table. He raised the cover up to see a plate of curry covered in cling wrap and a message saying, 

_“Dig in! Eat before you take a bath and rest. :) - Carabelly!”_

He found himself smiling. He was starving so he ate and he washed the dishes right after. He slowly tiptoed inside the room and slowly opened the lights. He flinched when he felt a rustle of blanket as if Cara shifted her position when the lights opened. He looked to where she slept and smiled when he noticed she was still asleep. He grabbed some fresh clothes and grabbed his towel that was hung beside hers behind the door. 

He welcomed the comforting warmth of the shower as it came in contact to his skin. His body was a little bit sore from dancing too much, but he was just counting days before the performance itself and he was thankful for it. He will get a break after the performance. He brushed his hair off of his face as he tilted his head up and let the water on his face. He remembered the confrontation he had with the man who made Cara feel so unstable. He remembered the man smugly say that he was her boyfriend. 

Boyfriend, huh. However, the way Cara’s head snapped to what the man said made him rethink everything. They had a particular past that this man cannot seem to let go. he was itching to shake the truth out of Cara but he has no right to do so. He was nobody but her friend and her housemate. 

He wanted to be somebody so much more to her. 

He wanted to be the one to hold her tight every night. He wanted to be the one to kiss her every single day. he wanted to kiss her good morning, good afternoon, and good night. He wanted to be the one who made her sigh with different emotions. He wanted to be the one who made her laugh, the one who makes her vexed over small things, the one to make every goddamn thing better. 

He wanted to be her everything as much as she was already is to him. 

His eyes opened to the sudden realization when he finally realized...

He had fallen ridiculously in love with her. 

* * *

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

* * *

 

All at once he felt everything make sense to him. He was standing in his shower, looking blankly at the white marble tiles as he realized how much he loved Cara. It all made sense. On why he needed to hear her voice, why he needed to somehow find a way to feel her mere presence every single day. At first he thought that he was lonely for too long that he needed Cara since she was a breath of fresh air. He was thinking irrationally, he knew he loved her the moment he saved her from being abducted in Rika’s apartment. He knew, yet he was too naive to actually believe what his heart was saying. 

He suddenly felt worried. 

He started to scour his mind to look for things that would even hint that she too felt the same. She wasn’t this sweet to any of  the people of the RFA right? He started to think about things that he shouldn’t be thinking about. He was getting overwhelmed with all the thoughts and epiphany he was having in his own shower. He started to panic. He closed the shower as he simply stood there, trying to calm himself down. 

Was he ready to get hurt if this love he had for her can never be reciprocated? 

He was. 

But he wasn’t ready to tell her yet. He knew she needed time to accept things on her own. He can only be by her side. He had to wait. 

But he was scared. He was so damn scared. 

What if she never loves him back? 

“Hyun?” he heard a soft voice outside his bathroom. His head snapped up as he heard footsteps outside. She must’ve woken up in the middle of his bath. He could now hear the footsteps come near the bathroom and he suddenly grabbed his towel and placed it in his front as the door opened and he saw the most provocative thing ever. 

He didn’t see her outfit when he arrived since she was covered with two blankets but as she stood there, he realized she was wearing his shirt underneath her wool sweater. The sweater and his shirt were slipping down her right shoulders. Her hair was down and it was in disarray as she rubbed her eyes. He could see her legs and her bare feet. 

She just stared at him as if she was registering what she was seeing. She squinted and she went completely inside the bathroom. 

They stood there, staring at each other. Zen was dripping wet as his right hand covered his front with a front. He was completely bare in front of the woman she loves, but at this exact moment it was awkward. Dammit, it was supposed to be sexy. He could feel himself stir at the innocent look she was giving him. She was looking at his face, then slowly her eyes moved down to his entire physique. 

“Oh. There you are.” she said. 

Zen was speechless. 

“Hyun.” She called thrice. 

“Y-yeah?” he stuttered. 

“Hyun. I need to pee. Get out.” she said as she yawned and raised her arms up. 

Critical hit. 

As she raised her arms, her clothing seemed to rise up, showing her wonderfully shaped legs. 

Oh no. 

* * *

 

She was so intensely sleepy that she never noticed that Hyun was naked in front of her. She could feel Hyun run past her in his towels and she felt the cold swoosh of air run past her and she could feel her bladder complain. 

After relieving herself, she went out of the room and she saw Hyun standing in the center of the room clad in his black sweater and gray sweatpants. She became conscious of how she looked like. She felt a hot rush spread over her face and she started to pull her sweater in front of her. 

“Ah.. Please tell me you didn’t see anything.” Hyun awkwardly asked. He scratched the back of his head and sheepishly looked at Cara. She blushed as the image of him dripping wet in the bathroom while he covered his front flashed on her mind and she felt her blush deepen. She looked away from him and she simply said, “No.” 

Hyun nodded and he started for the door. 

“Go back to sleep, Cara. I apologize for waking you up. Oh! I placed the invitation for the after party of the show. I would really love you to come with me.” He smiled and he closed the door. 

She sat by the bed as she opened her phone and messaged Jaehee. 

**_Jaehee? I need help._ **

* * *

 

Amidst his slumber, a sudden cry made him wake up. His eyes opened in a flash and his feet, as if it has a mind on its own, moved quickly to where the cry came from. He opened the door to his bedroom and opened the lights and saw Cara, head thrashing from side to side, crying as her eyes were closed. He went near her and sat on the side of the bed as he gripped her shoulders and shook her awake.

“No, please don’t. Don’t! Somebody, help me!” She kept on crying. 

“Cara, Cara! It’s not real! It’s not real!” He kept on shaking her, but whatever he does he couldn’t shake her off from her nightmare. Cara continued to trash around, as if she was unsettled and as if she was running for her life in her dream. Beads of sweat rolled on the side of her face, making her curls stick onto her skin and glisten in the light. 

“Hyun, Hyun! No, Please! Don’t take him away from me, please! NO! NO!” She screamed as she cried harder. Zen’s eyes widened at her scream and he worried that if he didn’t wake her up from this nightmare, she would never get out from it. He had no choice but to shake her hard and she her eyes open with a gasp. 

“H-hyun?” She whispered as she sleepily searched for his eyes, her whole being trembling from the nightmare she just escaped from. 

“It’s just a dream, Cara. I’m here. I’m here.” He cooed as he moved the hairs off of her face and cradled her face between his hands. “I’m here. Nothing’s gonna hurt you. I’m here.” He whispered. 

What happened next, completely caught him off guard. 

“i-I thought you got hurt. I-in my dream, you were saving me from the fire and you got burned and got hurt and you d-died. B-b-because of me...” Fresh tears flowed from her face as she said it. She shook her head as she shakily grasped the front of his shirt and she suddenly whispered brokenly, “I can’t bear it. I can’t bear it if that happened. I can’t.” 

And she pulled him to her and crashed her lips against his. 

* * *

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there was a kiss... BUUUUT. Something more intense will happen so yep. Please don’t hate me. T^T

 

* * *

 

 

Feeling her lips on his made him burn. 

It was freezing cold in his apartment, but Zen was burning. It took him a while to actually register in his mind that Cara herself was kissing her. He felt hot, he felt confused, and he felt... well, fuzzy. He could feel heat spread across his cheeks as Cara’s lips left his and she rested her head on his forehead. She cradled his head between her small white hands as she rubbed her nose on his and she sighed. 

“I-” She started as he felt her say something he knew will damage him more than her surprise kiss would. He grasped her shoulders as he shook his head and he said, “Please... Don’t say anything.” he murmured as he placed his lips on hers. 

Her eyes widened for a moment but she welcomed his kiss with equal fervor. She clutched as his shirt one more time as she tried to come nearer to him, as if the blanket was such a big barrier to their bodies. He started to shift their positions as he pulled her to him and she sat on his lap. Their lips separated for just a moment to take some air, their eyes closed, feeling the tension and the heat between them, and the kissing once again ensued. 

Zen kissed her with all the love that he felt as she too responded with so much eagerness as if she was waiting for this moment to happen for such a long time. Her kisses were filled with longing and passion that Zen could not, and haven’t seen from her. He tried to control himself and tried to not get carried away, but as she wrapped her arms around his neck, he could feel himself slowly slipping away from his control. He grasped her hips as if to stop her from moving because one twitch from her lower parts is enough to bring him to his knees. 

He needed to stop this. They must stop. 

He slowly lifted his head from hers and opened his eyes. She was still breathing heavily from the kiss. Her lips were kissed-swollen, her cheeks flushed, her hair in a lot more disarray than it was when he woke her up. 

“Look at me.” Zen hoarsely said. 

She opened her eyes. What Zen saw was enough to instigate a feeling over him; he desired the way that she only shown this look at him, and nobody else. 

Her eyes glistened and they were heavy lidded as they stared at his. Her lips were slightly parted. 

“W-we have to stop.” he whispered as he placed a peck on her lips. 

“This isn’t the time.” he added. She closed her eyes as if she too, felt that it wasn’t the right moment. He was sure of his feelings, but he wanted her to be sure of hers too. He cannot take advantage of her, not when she is this distressed. 

She closed her lips and she gulped as she nodded. She was still in his embrace and he was in hers. They stayed this way for a moment until she finally spoke. 

“Stay with me.” 

Zen had no choice but to shift their position and laid her on the bed with him on top. He kissed her forehead as he moved himself beside her and stared at the ceiling. 

**_What is this? What were we doing?_ **

This were the thoughts that came into his head as he placed his arm above his head and he continued to contemplate on what happened between the two of them. He wanted to ask why she did that but he didn’t want to know the answer either. He took a deep breath as he felt her shift and turn to him. She felt her poke him in the dark and he looked to where she laid. 

“I’m sorry. For kissing you.” She whispered. 

“No... It was... Okay.” Zen quietly said. She sleepily chuckled and she buried her face on the side of his arm. 

“Your smell comforts me. Thank you.” she murmured. 

“Cara?” He asked. He was too enveloped with the realization that they shared a kiss and that he loved her and that she wasn’t done being a sweetheart after she had that nightmare. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I hug you?” 

“Yes.” 

He smiled in the dark as he wrapped his arms around her. He sighed as his nose were filled with the smell of her. He was always happy and contented whenever he could hold her this way. He wished time would stop so that he could hold her like this. 

Suddenly feeling her breathing evenly, he allowed himself to dismiss the thoughts that have been swirling inside his head and he finally closed his eyes to sleep. 

* * *

 

The sun’s rays flitted across Cara’s face and she squinted to remove the brightness from her closed lids. She was not ready to get up yet. She slowly raised her arms as she stretched but her arm bumped on somebody else’s arm. As she looked at her side and saw a sleeping Zen beside her, she recalled the events of last night. 

The feel of his lips on hers was something that will engraved in her memory her entire life. 

She could feel herself get warm and she felt the huge urge to kiss him again. right now, in his sleep. 

Her hands slowly reached out to him, she prayed he didn’t budge or even stir from his sleep. 

Cara felt his soft warm skin on her fingertips and she slowly whispered something that has been caged in her heart for a long time. 

“I love you.” 

She felt tears prick her eyes as she realized everything all at once. She felt bliss, confusion, frustration, and fear. She was afraid. She remembered the circumstances she bore through a year ago and she never wanted Zen to do that to her. 

He deserved someone better, but she loved him and she didn’t want to.

She had no choice, but she didn’t want to allow herself to be happy. If she gets too happy, she’ll get hurt. 

Just like the last time. 

She leaned in to Zen as she planted a kiss on his forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks, and lastly at his mouth. Zen did not even stir from his sleep; not one bit. She chuckled softly as she rose from his embrace and grabbed her phone and left the room with a soft closing of the door. 

* * *

 

Zen wasn’t in a good mood. 

Not only was his costume too tight on the lower areas of his being, but he has not seen Cara from the moment he opened his eyes in their bedroom. He stretched his body as his hand absentmindedly reached over to where she has lain last night and all he felt was cold sheets. She left a letter to him saying she had some business she had to attend to but she didn’t state where. This made him incredibly uneasy. 

Today was their final practice and dress rehearsals so he will be here all night. He knew she wouldn’t come by their final rehearsals since she had a lot of things to finalize for the incoming RFA party and she needs to prepare for her return to her full time job. He got more nervous for the celebration after the performance tomorrow night because he wasn’t sure if she’ll go but he wanted her to be there as his date. He was thinking of what happened last night and he sighed. 

“Well, that’s a long sigh.” His friend nudged him as he removed the cravat that was tightly tied on his neck. “Shut up, Tobes. I am in no mood for your meddling shit.” Zen warned. His friend just chuckled and he smiled. 

“Where’s our lady love?” Tobes asked. 

Lady love? 

“I have no idea.” her murmured. 

“Oh but a little birdy told me that she was shopping with a woman in a suit and a man in a suit for a dress.” Tobes snickered. This caught Zen’s attention. 

“Dress?” Zen voiced out as his thoughts ran. She’s coming to the banquet. 

“Yeah. I also had a paparazzi image of her fitting things... But I won’t show you to surprise you! My lady saw her and she took a photo.” Tobes waved as he laughed at Zen’s reaction. 

Zen continued to stare at his friend’s back... 

Is this why she was absent? She was asking for help from the C&R people for help on her outfit after the performance? 

He suddenly couldn’t wait for the party. 

* * *

 

Cara twirled once more in the mirror as she readjusted the soft midnight blue straps on her shoulder. 

“Jaehee, do I look okay?” She asked her friend who was blushing as she stared at her twirl around and around the mirror. Jumin was also having a faint blush at how she looked. 

“I didn’t even fix my hair...” she murmured as her hand drifted atop her soft brown curls which was simply let down, her curls framing her beautiful face. She spent the entire day yesterday to fix herself for this night because she wanted to look beautiful for the main actor of this play and she wanted to be beautiful beside him at the party. She positioned herself in front of the mirror and she took one last look at herself. 

Her dress was primarily a midnight blue Grecian dress which has elegant soft straps falling on her shoulders, her dress freely flowing down and ending in a pool at her feet. There were floral patterns as the midnight blue color transforms into a cream skirt as it lands on her feet. her hair framed her face as her stubborn curls roamed up until her back. She simply looked like a Greek goddess. 

“You look beautiful, Cara. Zen is not worth being beautiful for, but it is your choice and i want you to be happy so I am obliging you.” Jumin suddenly spoke up. Cara looked at him at the same time as Jaehee did and she smiled. 

“Thank you, Jumin.” she silently smiled as she took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror one more time. 

She wanted to fix her feelings and confusion tonight since she needed clarity from Zen’s side. She needed to know what’s going on with her. She needed to accept her feelings, she needed to make sure. 

“I’m ready.” She said. 

She didn’t know if she said this to signal her departure at Jumin’s house or she was simply talking to herself. 

Maybe it was a little bit of both. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: I deeply apologize for the late upload. I have been buried with work all the time so I haven't had the chance to update faster than I ought to. T^T The story is ending soon, just give me a couple of chapters left! again, Thank you for your patience and I know my stories have not been proof read yet. When I finish this, I will re-read them and fix some errors. :) Thank you for standing by my story even though they aren't that well written. Thank you for all your support ^^

 

* * *

 

Zen was never nervous during his performance. He remembered every line, ever emotion, every movement of his characters. He has this huge habit of making himself be his character that's why every audience who watches him act are all besotted with the way he is acting.

He still has a long way to go, but he knows he will get there.

He was in one of the scenes where his character was in a silent trance. this was his chance to search the audience where she was. She did not even see him before the play, nor did she come home to him before he left. It was the same thing as yesterday, she was not in his house when he woke up to prepare for the show. When he got home the night before, she was already fast asleep and she didn't even move one bit when he kissed her temples good night before he too, rested for another day.

He couldn't spot her at first but when he saw a curly brunette sit down on the seat reserved for her, he almost forgot his lines.

She was fashionably late for the play since it was already the half part of the entire show, but she looked glorious. God-like even. Her gown was not the tight gowns most of the women in the audience were wearing. She was wearing a midnight blue Grecian dress that had a floral fading effect by the time the dress was reaching to her feet, the spaces were filled with white silk underneath the thin cloth of midnight blue and the straps were resting on her shoulders. her hair was not tied nor it was curled. He always loved her hair, it was curled in all the right places naturally. It framed her face and her make up was not that flashy and she looked so beautiful he wanted to just jump down the stage and kiss her in front of everybody. He could feel unwanted pride swell in his chest as he acted while his consciousness watched her as she daintily sat on the theater chair and focused her eyes on him. He was in love with this magnificent woman.

Suddenly, a sinking feeling replaced his pride when he realized that she was not even his. Of course they shared some kisses and embraces, but an exchange of agreement, nor even a slur of the words were never said to one another. He had no concrete proof that she too, shared the same sentiments that he did.

He continued to act as if he didn't have these thoughts. His gaze went back to the side of the stage where the other casts were waiting for their scenes to arrive and then he spotted on person whom he knew will be the source of complication for his "budding" relationship with Cara.

There on the corner he saw the stage engineer who threatened Cara a while ago. He was busy looking at the different stage controls, checking the stage for discrepancies and safety measures and the man did a double take when his eyes laid upon Cara. He had an ugly smirk plastered on his face and Zen knew. He had to get rid of this man in the picture of their lives for somehow he knew he posed as a grave danger for Cara's mental health. He needed to tell him to stay away. he was unsure of their past but he knew this man did something to Cara that made her recoil in such a way. Even when Saeran did what he did to her during her time at Rika's apartment, her trauma with Saeran did not surpass how much she reacted to this man.

He wanted to know, but somehow he already had an inkling of who he was in her past.

And he did not like it one bit.

* * *

_Keep calm, my heart. Please, keep calm._

This was the never ending mantra Cara had as she gazed at Zen while he was acting. She was not late, but she was watching the play from the exit because she was too nervous to let him see her. Her heart made skipping motions as his eyes locked on to her as he looked at where she sat and she squirmed in her seat. She smiled at him and simply mouthed the words, "Good luck." And she thought he had a blush and then he went back to acting.

This is what she found so amazing with Zen.

His acting was so good that she can no longer recognize the man who she lives with. She immediately knew that this play would be one of his greatest and she knew that he was one step closer to his goal. She felt so happy she took part of his success, that she saw his struggles and she was there to pull through it. She had this sense of pride.

_This is the man I loved, look at him shine._

Wait. Man I loved? Woah, where did that come from!?

Cara started as she had another epiphany. She knew she was in love with Zen for so long but she didn't admit it until that night when she almost got carried away out of the fear her nightmare might come true. She wasn't used to herself admitting that she was in love with someone, as much as possible, she wanted to protect herself from admitting the inevitable.

She lost her own despicable game and again, cold rush of fear overwhelmed her as she grasped her dress tightly as she looked at Zen act. He was no longer finding her among the audience but she knew he was aware something was up. In a split second, he went out of character and quickly looked at her but he snapped back to his play since the scene was getting intense.

Cara could feel tears prick her eyes as she wanted to say everything she felt out loud and at the same time, she wanted them to be hidden forever in the depths of her heart. She wanted to save him from the pain she would soon give him. She knew she didn't deserved his love, and yet she yearned for it. every single day. She wanted his lips on her as much as she can, she wanted to hold him whenever she was in his presence, she wanted to spend her days with him for as long as he is content, she wanted to love him in ways she didn't know how to love, and in ways she knew she could.

But she was holding back.

It was as if there is a big wall of insecurity, mistrust, and fear blocking her way to Zen and this was brought upon by her experiences 1 year ago. She was over the point person who caused her the immense trauma, but she can never forget the pain.

What if Zen hurt her that way?

She was not beautiful, she was not smart. She was a workaholic, a fatso, clumsy, and grumpy slip of a woman. Who would know the future that if they got together, Zen will get over her pretty quickly.

She was some simple rock embedded in a bed of diamonds in Zen's world.

His kindness, he could give it to somebody more worthy. His time and his patience, he can share it with somebody more worthy. However, as Cara imagined a life without Zen and just watching him fall in love with someone else, made her heart ache more than it did when the incident 1 year ago happened. How did this man manage to crawl deep in her heart and inculcate feelings she promised herself she would no longer feel?

How could he be so sly and he made her love him without even telling her he loved her back?

_I am on the edge of taking risks and I was not even aware of it._

This was what she have thought. She knew she was ready to risk her heart when she admitted she's in love with him. She was knew there would be a possibility that he can never love her back.

_No. Don't let this happen to you twice._

Cara absentmindedly placed her hands on her lips as she stopped a sob from escaping her mouth. She could feel a tear slip down to her cheeks and she knew there was no going back. No matter how much she stopped herself from feeling something for Zen, she knew she can never get rid of them anymore.

She hated becoming vulnerable. She didn't want him to be too close.

She doesn't want to get hurt anymore.

A memory of that kiss one night flashed on her mind and before she could even decipher why it was there, she could hear sounds of applause as the entire crew of the play lined up in the middle of the stage and bowed. She quickly looked around her and realized that the play was done. She was so immersed within her thoughts she did not even know what happened in the play. All she knew was that at that time, she saw Zen as Zen and not his character.

She quickly scrambled up to her feet when she suddenly saw Zen take the mic and he looked straightly at her.

"Hello, I am Zen and I play the role of the evil duke." He waved simply and he smiled and bowed to the audience. Cara could hear girl squealing as he smiled at the crowd but he stared at her before he said anything more. He winked and made a gesture of extending his arms to her.

"I would love to thank you all for coming to watch our play. We really loved performing for you guys. however, my team would like to thank somebody who has helped us a lot, and who was responsible for making me go up the stage today." He smiled tenderly at Cara. Somehow the crowd fell silent as they all followed where he was looking at.

"We would all like to thank the best manager in the entire world, Cara. Please come up the stage!" Cara was so shocked that she couldn't move her feet. She looked at Zen, eyes wide and she pointed to herself. He nodded as he laughed, his smile so tender and so loving, his hands still waiting for hers to grasp them. His friend Tobes grabbed the mic and screamed, "Come on, lady love! We haven't seen you for days! We have missed you, now let the world know how great of a manager and a person you are!" he cheered her on.

Somehow, the crowd's applause and the team's screaming for her name quieted down as she stared at Zen's eyes. His red eyes filled with honesty and pride and... love? He looked at her as he waited for her to take his hand. She could feel herself waver from his smile and she tried her best to keep her facade intact. She slowly led herself to where the entire crew was as Zen gave him the bouquet that was handed to him when they were doing the cast call. He again took the mic and said, "To the best person who kept us all in our feet. Without you, we wouldn't be here." He smiled as they all cheered and he hugged her in front of other people.

"But I didn't do anything, Hyun." she whispered.

"Oh believe me. You have done so much." He smiled. His eyes were twinkling of being proud and she could feel herself feel faint.

"You look so beautiful today, Cara." Zen smiled.

Time seemed to stop when she saw his face come close to her and before she could react everything was quiet, everything was tense.

Zen has kissed her in front of the hundreds of people then and there.


End file.
